Was looking tru my FB notes when I came accross this posting...that i had posted 13 May 2011. Wonder why I did not post it here? Well here it is - it was originally titled "Confession of a non-tiger mom" in my reflection as to what type of mom I am due to the exam fever that most mom was having in May...I am always grateful during this time of the year, every year that I don't get the fever but am happy to see my children doing the things they usually do and not be affected by the exams... Alhamdulillah
Allah is the light of the heavens and the earth: the likeness of His light is as a niche wherein is a lamp; the lamp is in glass; the glass is as though it were a star brilliant; lit from a tree blest, an olive, neither in the east nor in the west; well-nigh its oil would glow forth even though fire touch it not. light upon light. Allah guideth unto His light whomsoever He will: And Allah propoundeth similitudes for mankind: verily Allah is of everything the Knower. (An-Nur:35)
Allah guideth unto His light whomsoever He will ~ this knowledge has been the sole reason why I decided not to be a "Tiger mom" and of course many more humble experiences that lead me to change in the way I bring up my children since about 12 years ago after Alia was born. The first 5-6 was a trying learning experience, not so sweet but the discovery was ... speechless!
I used to belief that one of the best method in bringging up a child - tru discipline and at times drilling. I still believe in discipline but not drilling. When i was in early stage of my teaching career, one of the techniques (or maybe the only 1) that i know of is tru repetition and drilling - so that was what I applied to my students, everyday for 5-10 minutes before lesson I made them (primary 1 students) read pages from their dictionary (with pictures) and Alhamdulillah (All praises be to Allah) at the end of the year all of them managed to read fluently. Due to the lack of resources and limited time drilling and repitition worked. But it was simply not enjoyable and i can't vouch that they knew what they were reading.
When I had my first child, Arina, I tried accelarated learning on her. It was tedious both of us don't enjoy it much. I could not keep up with the requirement...so i ended up playing with her most of the time and let the learning experience be incidental...(confession of a lazy mom)...exposing her to as many play experiences as i could...she was able to read on her own by four. Alhamdulillah - Phew! that was a relief... She started childcare at 2 bcos i was working there - left teaching position in primary school. So she had an early start and exposure to variety learning experience. the teachers were dedicated and she enjoyed her time spent at the childcare...
my 2nd child, Athira came 21 months after the 1st...she learned whatever her eldest sisters did minus the accelerated learning - by tt time i fell in love with the techniques of learning tru play. So everyday water-play was a must. they get their water-play time in our bathroom everyday without fail...weekly sand-play at least 3x a week at the playground. physical-play everyday for at least an hour...when they were lucky...they get to play in the rain. toys were aplenty...stackers, shapes, books and whatever we can turn into toys. the walls were covered with charts, the furnitures were pasted with word-cards. The house was child-proof and we only tidy-up when there was guest :). She joined her sister in the childcare at 3... And she only showed us that she could read to us loudly when she was six...but her reading level was just as good as her sister who was 8 at that time. Alhamdulillah! Another relief...
while bringging up the 2 of them - apart from playing with them i did send them to additional quran reading classes when i felt they did not have enuf at the childcare...swimming classes (part of the childcare activity). there were just not enuf energy... so i toned down because all of us were getting too tired, and it pained my heart to see them suffer...but i did not know better...so i still went on and most of the time i was high strung (patience was always running low) and yet i persisted...haiz... but i never had any inclination to send them for music lesson maybe because i m toned-deaf, with a voice that croaked...music was definitely not in my blood...so they never got it :( ... until they went to sch and got it from schools... we never send them for any supplementary classes either...any art activities...we did it at home...any cooking lessons...it's home-based...additional computer lessons...it's at home...tumbling and gym activity...we have it in our living room. Any science and maths activity, we did it in the parks and playgrounds... Basically most of the stuff are home-based or outdoor with mom & dad - whatever activity we felt they need - we exposed it to them ourselves.
then came Alia, our bouncy baby 34 months after Athira followed by Amsyar 23 months after Alia...their learning experience were changed due to the changed of mindset and experience...(next chapter)
.
At a very early age our main aim was to let them be independent...so we started to train them to eat, dresses, drink, sleep and whatever routine they can do on their own as soon as possible. we had high expectations ... but had to moderate it down to their level...there were lots of tug and war and time-out for both parents and child. When they started primary school they were expected to be responsible for their own studies and school stuff. We seldom checked their bags and we only helped them with their homework when they seek assistance. I only went tru their bags when I saw it balooned and i could only suggest items to be taken out... but at the end of the day...it was their decision. As far as we were concerned that they should breezed thru their primary school education (no less than A) without drilling and tuition other than our assistance and facilitation. :)
Arina, was very good at giving feedback and shared her thoughts, so we received complains from her as young as she was in primary 1 (i had to see the principal to lodge in her complains) but that was good bcos we knew what was happening...she breezed tru primary school and went to 1 of the girls' secondary schools, did extremely well in her 'O' level and now in JC1...she is on her way to become an intern in one of the research department in A*. Insha'Allah hope she will find her niche there.
Athira preferred to keep her thoughts to herself... and just met our requirements in scoring A's (with ease)...but we still received complains from her teacher as early as when was in P2...she did not complete her homework, or more like felt it was not important to do it - because teacher said "do it if you have the time" or something like that - (yes she could but its her time!) So the teacher felt she could do better and if she put in more effort...thereafter i decided not to go for any parent-teacher meet :)). So a year later, she was discovered to be among the top 1% of the Gifted programme students ... so she changed school at P4...and teachers still complained...scored extremely well in her PSLE and went to a girls' secondary school with an IP program. So she need not sit for her 'O' levels exams :). Now at year 3, i finally see her actually studying for her exams...and so I asked if she is doing well in her studies this year... our conversation sounds something like this:
Me: How is your studies this year?
Athira: not so good
Me: define what is "not so good"?
Athira: I did not score full marks for any of my test this year...
.
As a non-tiger mom - I told her just to try her best and apply what she had learned... to me scoring full marks in a test is not important what is important is applying those knowledge and what does it meant to you. If studying is just meant to score full marks... then we have not done enuf for them to understand the concept of seeking knowledge - and that ... Allah guided unto His light whomsoever He will... and this goes for everything that you will learn in life, insya'Allah...
Allah is the light of the heavens and the earth: the likeness of His light is as a niche wherein is a lamp; the lamp is in glass; the glass is as though it were a star brilliant; lit from a tree blest, an olive, neither in the east nor in the west; well-nigh its oil would glow forth even though fire touch it not. light upon light. Allah guideth unto His light whomsoever He will: And Allah propoundeth similitudes for mankind: verily Allah is of everything the Knower. (An-Nur:35)
Allah guideth unto His light whomsoever He will ~ this knowledge has been the sole reason why I decided not to be a "Tiger mom" and of course many more humble experiences that lead me to change in the way I bring up my children since about 12 years ago after Alia was born. The first 5-6 was a trying learning experience, not so sweet but the discovery was ... speechless!
I used to belief that one of the best method in bringging up a child - tru discipline and at times drilling. I still believe in discipline but not drilling. When i was in early stage of my teaching career, one of the techniques (or maybe the only 1) that i know of is tru repetition and drilling - so that was what I applied to my students, everyday for 5-10 minutes before lesson I made them (primary 1 students) read pages from their dictionary (with pictures) and Alhamdulillah (All praises be to Allah) at the end of the year all of them managed to read fluently. Due to the lack of resources and limited time drilling and repitition worked. But it was simply not enjoyable and i can't vouch that they knew what they were reading.
When I had my first child, Arina, I tried accelarated learning on her. It was tedious both of us don't enjoy it much. I could not keep up with the requirement...so i ended up playing with her most of the time and let the learning experience be incidental...(confession of a lazy mom)...exposing her to as many play experiences as i could...she was able to read on her own by four. Alhamdulillah - Phew! that was a relief... She started childcare at 2 bcos i was working there - left teaching position in primary school. So she had an early start and exposure to variety learning experience. the teachers were dedicated and she enjoyed her time spent at the childcare...
my 2nd child, Athira came 21 months after the 1st...she learned whatever her eldest sisters did minus the accelerated learning - by tt time i fell in love with the techniques of learning tru play. So everyday water-play was a must. they get their water-play time in our bathroom everyday without fail...weekly sand-play at least 3x a week at the playground. physical-play everyday for at least an hour...when they were lucky...they get to play in the rain. toys were aplenty...stackers, shapes, books and whatever we can turn into toys. the walls were covered with charts, the furnitures were pasted with word-cards. The house was child-proof and we only tidy-up when there was guest :). She joined her sister in the childcare at 3... And she only showed us that she could read to us loudly when she was six...but her reading level was just as good as her sister who was 8 at that time. Alhamdulillah! Another relief...
while bringging up the 2 of them - apart from playing with them i did send them to additional quran reading classes when i felt they did not have enuf at the childcare...swimming classes (part of the childcare activity). there were just not enuf energy... so i toned down because all of us were getting too tired, and it pained my heart to see them suffer...but i did not know better...so i still went on and most of the time i was high strung (patience was always running low) and yet i persisted...haiz... but i never had any inclination to send them for music lesson maybe because i m toned-deaf, with a voice that croaked...music was definitely not in my blood...so they never got it :( ... until they went to sch and got it from schools... we never send them for any supplementary classes either...any art activities...we did it at home...any cooking lessons...it's home-based...additional computer lessons...it's at home...tumbling and gym activity...we have it in our living room. Any science and maths activity, we did it in the parks and playgrounds... Basically most of the stuff are home-based or outdoor with mom & dad - whatever activity we felt they need - we exposed it to them ourselves.
then came Alia, our bouncy baby 34 months after Athira followed by Amsyar 23 months after Alia...their learning experience were changed due to the changed of mindset and experience...(next chapter)
.
At a very early age our main aim was to let them be independent...so we started to train them to eat, dresses, drink, sleep and whatever routine they can do on their own as soon as possible. we had high expectations ... but had to moderate it down to their level...there were lots of tug and war and time-out for both parents and child. When they started primary school they were expected to be responsible for their own studies and school stuff. We seldom checked their bags and we only helped them with their homework when they seek assistance. I only went tru their bags when I saw it balooned and i could only suggest items to be taken out... but at the end of the day...it was their decision. As far as we were concerned that they should breezed thru their primary school education (no less than A) without drilling and tuition other than our assistance and facilitation. :)
Arina, was very good at giving feedback and shared her thoughts, so we received complains from her as young as she was in primary 1 (i had to see the principal to lodge in her complains) but that was good bcos we knew what was happening...she breezed tru primary school and went to 1 of the girls' secondary schools, did extremely well in her 'O' level and now in JC1...she is on her way to become an intern in one of the research department in A*. Insha'Allah hope she will find her niche there.
Athira preferred to keep her thoughts to herself... and just met our requirements in scoring A's (with ease)...but we still received complains from her teacher as early as when was in P2...she did not complete her homework, or more like felt it was not important to do it - because teacher said "do it if you have the time" or something like that - (yes she could but its her time!) So the teacher felt she could do better and if she put in more effort...thereafter i decided not to go for any parent-teacher meet :)). So a year later, she was discovered to be among the top 1% of the Gifted programme students ... so she changed school at P4...and teachers still complained...scored extremely well in her PSLE and went to a girls' secondary school with an IP program. So she need not sit for her 'O' levels exams :). Now at year 3, i finally see her actually studying for her exams...and so I asked if she is doing well in her studies this year... our conversation sounds something like this:
Me: How is your studies this year?
Athira: not so good
Me: define what is "not so good"?
Athira: I did not score full marks for any of my test this year...
.
As a non-tiger mom - I told her just to try her best and apply what she had learned... to me scoring full marks in a test is not important what is important is applying those knowledge and what does it meant to you. If studying is just meant to score full marks... then we have not done enuf for them to understand the concept of seeking knowledge - and that ... Allah guided unto His light whomsoever He will... and this goes for everything that you will learn in life, insya'Allah...
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