The Scholar and The Needy

Peace be to all...

During my volunteer work, I have the chance to meet students who are scholars and those who need help in their studies (the needy).

In order to help those needy students a tutoring session is conducted by volunteers to help the children who came for the sessions.

Sadly, tho we have many volunteers - very few needy students came for assistance - I guess they are not needy afterall to forego the free services that the enthusiastic volunteers are offering. Many of these volunteers came from top schools in Singapore and wish to contribute their time in helping others. Tho it is part of their school curricular requirements, these students can choose various vocations to meet the requirements and they chose tutoring.

During these sessions I was able to observe the difference between the scholars and the needy.

• The scholars are willing to take challenges, while the needy squirm when given one. For example, most of these students volunteer had never done tutoring before and yet when given the task they look forward to making sure they help their tutee understood what was being taught. The tutee when given an extra task to do that will help in their learning, refused to do and even squirmed at the task, eventho after doing it - they attained marked improvement but ironically they are reluctant to repeat the act even after knowing it works!
• The scholars will prepare what u gave them by the end of the day. The needy ignored the task even if u gave them a week.
• The Scholars will come early before the session, the needy will absent him/herself when she pleased.
• The scholars consider academic excellence as a given (must score A), the needy will be glad if she gets a pass.
• The Scholars not only excel in academic but also in sports and other activities, the needy are forbidden to join any extra curricular activities by their parents with reason that their children need to spend more time studying. Many of the needy parents have a misconception that extra curricular activities is a waste of time and yet they did not encourage their children to read story books either, thinking studying can only be done via the textbooks.
• The scolars get good nutrition and healthy food, the needy spent money on buying candies and junk food.

The differences are great as such it is understood why the scholars turned out to be scholars and the needy remains as a needy. In my work, I tried my best to educate the needy children and abolished many misconceptions and try my best to establish right attitude and principle. However, at the end of the day...those who managed to get out of their "needy" group are those who are able to break free from their norms and persevere when faced with challenges. These needy children have the potential to be scholars too only if they are steadfast and willing to take the Big leap to make the difference.

Insha'Allah - may Allah shows them the way and provide them with all the providence that they need. Ameeen....

Recommended Books
Developing Thinking and Understanding in Young Children

Caring and Sharing: Becoming a Peer Facilitator

Discipline Without Distress: 135 tools for raising caring, responsible children without time-out, spanking, punishment or bribery

Raising a Thinking Child: Help Your Young Child to Resolve Everyday Conflicts and Get Along with Others

Raising Thinking Children and Teens: Guiding Mental and Moral Development

Raising a Thinking Child Workbook: Teaching Young Children How to Resolve Everyday Conflicts and Get Along with Others

Raising a Thinking Preteen: The "I Can Problem Solve" Program for 8- to 12- Year-Olds

Building Thinking Skills, Level 2


Think About It!: Thinking Skills Activities for Years 3 and 4 (Nace/Fulton S.)



Dollars For Scholars--The Autobiography of Dr. Irving A. Fradkin, Founder of Citizens' Scholarship

Foundation of America Negation Raising: Logic Form and Linguistic Variation

Will u pay someone to play with your child?

Peace be to all...Occasionally I have been asked by my juniors for advice ~ whether it is timely for them to register their child in a playgroup for a few hours a week. The child will usually be less than 2 years old and she (the mother) will have to sit in with her child during the program.
This will be my usual conversation with a mother ~

 Me: "Are you willing to pay someone to play with your child? Are you willing to pay someone to teach you how to play with your child?"

Mother will usually laugh and said something like..."but u know what to do with your children, its different." (hmmm...and I tot i had a magic wand hidden somewhere, am i imagining things?)

"Yes, alhamdullilah I do (where is that magic wand so that i can pass it to her )  but don't tell me you don't know how to read to your child? you can't do simple art activity and play simple games with your child? I mean if you truly have the money and don't know how to use it googgle for activities that is appropriate for your child and buy her books and educational toys. At this age it is time for you to bond with your child. If you wish to get her to socialise, call a few frens and arrange for play dates...then all of you can have a sharing circle on how to raise your children."

I just can't take excuses but just to soften the blow I added, “However, if you truly feel that you need help to play with your child, do go ahead...there is no harm. What is your objective of sending her for the program?"

"She will learn to play; they will have art activities and reading program."...she stopped and thought for a while when she realised where i was taking her... to think aloud what she had said and she will then have to ask herself the above questions again. "hahaha - u got me..." she said.

Me: " Well, unless you need 'professionals' to teach you how to play with your child, then go for it...just to tell you a secret...u can get them all in the internet, just googgle for 'activities for babies or toddlers' and you'll get all the info for free. However, if you feel that the money will be well-spent as an investment for your child...pls do go ahead."

 hmmm...I can actually offer my own children to play with her girl ... jus a tot...my children would surely enjoy it and can teach her how to play with her own child but i don't usually make that offer unless u live nearby. But sadly this is what actually happen today, many parents have forgotten how to play or don't know how to play with their children. I guess they do need help and pay someone to help them play with their child.

Haiz....I just feel that there should be an institution that roll out licenses to parents who wishes to have babies and teach them how to play and take care of children before they are allowed to have one. I wrote a similar tots about 15 years ago in a newsletter and was reprimanded for thinking as such. Well, i still feel the same now.

Well, I know many of us get a maid to look after and play with our children, or those lucky ones have the grandparents and if you really feel the money is well spent please or there have no choice, so be it...I know in Singapore such program cost a bomb just because of their brand name. What they really do is to tell you how to play and bond with your child by providing some equipment to develop their motor skills...the rest is up to you. Basically these skills can be developed by allowing your child to play sand in the beaches, water in the swimming pool and the swings, climbers & slides in the playgrounds. We r so lucky here because there r so many playgrounds around our neighbourhood and parks. Unless of course your child is allergic to the water, sand & sun and need air-conditioned room...

 

When my children were young i used Teach Your Child: How to Discover and Enhance Your Child's Potential (DK Dr Miriam Stoppard) to guide me in doing appropriate activities and buying toys for my children.

 

Usually I ended the conversation by leaving the decision to her...to me, what best for your child is what you believe to be the best. I can't change or give you an answer. As parents it is your decision and once you had made that decision even if others are against it - make that decision the RIGHT one for you and your child...the rest will be decided tru Allah's blessings ...and be ever thankful for it, insha'Allah everything will fall into its rightful place. 

 

 Only Allah knows best ~

Here are some other books!

• The Toddler's Busy Book: 365 Creative Games and Activities to Keep Your 1 1/2- to 3-Year-Old Busy
• Preschooler's Busy Book: 365 Creative Games & Activities To Occupy 3-6 Year Olds
• Science is Simple: Over 250 Activities for Preschoolers
• 200+ Games and Fun Activities for Teaching Preschoolers
• Great Big Book of Children's Games: Over 450 Indoor & Outdoor Games for Kids (Ages 3-12)
• Rainy Day Activities For Kids: Teach Them & Keep Them Entertained For Hours!

 

 Posted in http://ssaria.multiply.com/journal on Dec 14, '10 7:53 PM

We have to learn from them...10 things to learn from Japan

Peace be to All...

A fren send these reflection via email and I strongly feel there are so many things we can learn from the Japanese. These are not my own writing but others who wish to share what they had learned from the honourable people in Japan...May Allah provide them with the strength to persevere and shower them with His abundance and mercy...Ameen

We have to learn from them...
10 things to learn from Japan

1. THE CALM
Not a single visual of chest-beating or wild grief. Sorrow itself has been elevated.

2. THE DIGNITY
Disciplined queues for water and groceries. Not a rough word or a crude gesture.

3. THE ABILITY
The incredible architects, for instance. Buildings swayed but didn’t fall.

4. THE GRACE
People bought only what they needed for the present, so everybody could get something.

5. THE ORDER
No looting in shops. No honking and no overtaking on the roads. Just understanding.

6. THE SACRIFICE
Fifty workers stayed back to pump sea water in the N-reactors. How will they ever be repaid?

7. THE TENDERNESS
Restaurants cut prices. An unguarded ATM is left alone. The strong cared for the weak.

8. THE TRAINING
The old and the children, everyone knew exactly what to do. And they did just that.

9. THE MEDIA
They showed magnificent restraint in the bulletins. No sensationalizing. Only calm reportage.

10. THE CONSCIENCE
When the power went off in a store, people put things back on the shelves and left quietly

Japanese Culture, 4th Edition (Updated and Expanded)

The Japanese Mind: Understanding Contemporary Japanese Culture
Introduction to Japanese Culture
The Japanese Have a Word for It: The Complete Guide to Japanese Thought and Culture

Tuition Vs Study Skills - Are u doing the right thing?

Peace be to all...

I have always been interested in looking for ways to help children learn, especially those who has difficulty in learning. From the beginning of my teaching career...my interest has always been to help children enjoy learning and it saddened me to see some children are neglected because they are "slow" or because they do not learn the "normal" way as a result they loose out in getting high marks because the assessment of students here is mainly  through summative assessment as a result even though these students are bright they loose out because they do not have the preffered learning styles.

When we have children, I was determined to help them learn the fun ways. By the time I got my 1st child I had attended various courses on early childhood and knew that the 1st 6 years r the crucial years in child development. I tried various ways of making learning fun for them. So there was always something for them to play with; sand, water, songs, building blocks, toys and lots of books. Yes books are fun play items too!

I was also giving tution  at that time but I struggled to teach these children, because the only way that parent's preferred were to help their children finished the assessment books. I included games and activities but parents only believed that we can get better results if their children could do more assessment books. Eventhough the children improved in their results...I stopped giving tution because we were not enjoying ourselves and learning become stagnant and so unmotivating.

By then I had already chanced upon some study skills and was teaching some children voluntarily on the use of mind mapping, mnemonics and fingers multiplications. I still gave tuition at intervals and it usually last from 6 months to a year. During that time I will train the children to be independent learner and taught them whatever study skills I could. I usually quit because of other commitments but at the back of my mind I knew I was not enjoying myself. There was some form of satisfaction, when I saw them improved but that was not enough.

As my children grew up I make sure they had the skills needed when they started primary school. The struggles were mainly due to time management and my attitude towards making them independent from young. I had high expectations on wanting them to be independent in their studies. Tuition was not an option... both of us taught them when they had problems. At times we lost our temper because we set high expectation. We learned and lowered it down. As more children came, we matured and set appropriate expectations.

Eventhough we did not spend on tution, we did send them for study skills workshops. I knew some, but it was different when a paid trainer and a class of peers learned together. They enjoyed the sessions and benefitted from it. When frens asked, I could not give much feedback because honestly out of the 3 girls only one of them truly benefitted from it and used the skills taught. Parents were not allowed to attend it and I was not very sure how to help them. Thus, I was quiet reluctant to recommend to other parents because it was costly and secondly, they told the children not to share with others what they learned - that include parents!  As a result, they forgotten what they had learned if they don't use one of the skill.

Until one day,  I sat for the seminar by Learning Discoveries, I found what I wanted to share with other parents. Finally an institution who are willing to share with all the benefits of giving your children the right tools to make learning easier for them regardless of their learning styles. Not only was the price of the workshops reasonable, parents of primary school children are allowed to sit-in the class and learned the skills along with their children so that they can help their children along. These are the principles that i believe in!

My children had benefitted from applying the right study skills and had successfully been able to do well without tution. I am sure many more of our children will be able to do so. As parents we want what is best for them, thus equiping them with the right tool for learning is very important. Think about it - have we given them the right skill to do well not only in their primary education but a skill that can be use in secondary, post secondary, university and beyond! It's a life time skill that they can even pass it down to the next generation!!

Resources:
How to Study, 6th Edition
SOAR Study Skills
 Learning to Learn: Strengthening Study Skills and Brain Power
 How to Study and Teaching How to Study
How to Become a Straight-A Student: The Unconventional Strategies Real College Students Use to Score High While Studying Less
First posted in http://ssaria.multiply.com/ on Sep 20, '10 7:57 AM

What do i want in life?

Peace be to all...
Alhamdulillah, it has been a busy week and expecting for even busier months ahead. It has been about six months since I left my full-time job and decided to go into my semi-retirement position.

Along the way I had doubted my intentions and had tried to apply for another full-time positions but each time after I attended an interview and reflected upon it - I started to question myself. Why am I doing it? Do i really want another full-time job? Do I really want to be back in the rat-race? What happen to my semi-retirement plans? What was it that I want when I left my 'dream job' and decided that it had become a 'nightmare'?
 Not so much about what I did but about how I felt trapped and suffocated for not being able to do things the way I want to. For having to follow protocol and playing a waiting game just to get my proposals accepted and approved. For not being able to progress and see your true potential developed further. For feeling like an 'old Quran' being put on a position because you were experienced and feeling the dust collecting in your head and yet not being able to brush it off. Who am I kidding?

Then it finally dawned on me that I have not given myself the chance to bloom in my new role. I have not seriously look into those new doors that are opening to me. I have yet to delve into those 'risks' and adventures that i had dream off when i planned for the next phase in my life...i began to realise that Allah had given me the opportunity earlier than I had planned for.

In retrospect, I had planned to leave my full-time position or get into my retirement plan at 45 but at 42, i already felt suffocated and had decided to leave. I guess my 'planning manager' go beserk for a while when she realised that it happened 3 years before date due, thus the doubt and the resistance to allow the plan to launch earlier.

Hahaha...now that I had demolished the wall of resistance, an overwhelming sense of relief came over me...Subhanallah, the picture is clearer and the road ahead is brighter. Insya'Allah (and I really meant it this time - if God willing) I will be fulfilling the next phase of my dream...to spend more time at home with my family, to be physically, mentally and spiritually there for them. In addition, to be able to do volunteer work and help others and also to seriously work towards making my retirement plan cruise smoothly and successfully...till I get bored again and form a new dream...
....hahahaha! Just can't resist it! ~ I m kidding (I seriously hope so).

Masha'Allah I hope and I pray ...I will hold steadfast to what I am doing being it rain or shine or snow or blizzard or stormy or nauzubillah... whatever challenges that I will face, may Allah provides me with the strength to persevere, insya'Allah...Ameen..

For whatever may come POSITIVE thinking is a must and the feeling of forever in GRATITUDE for what Allah has given me in this world...what is now crucial is what I will have to prepare for the REAL next phase of my life i.e. in the HEREAFTER... the life in this world is but a passe...when it's time...

Oh Allah - Guide us to the Right Path. (6) The Path of those on whom You have bestowed Your Grace, not (the path) of those who earned Your Anger, nor of those who went astray. (7) ~ Al-Fathiha Ameeen........

Needs & Wants

Peace be upon all...

I chanced upon these two hadith during my reflection hour...yes, Alhamdullilah, my wish and my dua came true...Allah has given me the luxury of time to do morning reflections without being disturbed and feeling rushed. At least 2 or 3 times and sometimes 4 times (depending on my hubby working hours) a week I get some time to do reflection. These two hadith have inspired me to write on needs and wants...

It is reported on the authority of Ibn ‘Abbas that there was (once) a downpour during the life of the Apostle (may peace and blessings be upon him Upon this the Apostle (may peace and blessings be upon him) observed: Some people entered the morning with gratitude and some with ingratitude (to Allah). Those who entered with gratitude said: This is the blessing of Allah, and those who entered with ingratitude said: Such and such asterism was right. It was upon this that the verse was revealed: I swear by the setting of the stars to the end and make your provision that you should disbelieve it.  (Sahih Muslim – Book #001, Hadith #0135)

Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah’s Apostle said, “There is a (compulsory) Sadaqa (charity) to be given for every joint of the human body (as a sign of gratitude to Allah) everyday the sun rises. To judge justly between two persons is regarded as Sadaqa, and to help a man concerning his riding animal by helping him to ride it or by lifting his luggage on to it, is also regarded as Sadaqa, and (saying) a good word is also Sadaqa, and every step taken on one’s way to offer the compulsory prayer (in the mosque) is also Sadaqa and to remove a harmful thing from the way is also Sadaqa.”  (Sahih Bukhari – Book #52, Hadith #232)

Haha! But the hadith are on Gratitude & Sadaqah, what have both got to do with Needs & Wants? ... Well, I almost change the title to gratitude but really our mind is a web in itself and we can link and integrate any value to one another and make sense of it...it just dawned on me that in order for you to be in gratitude you have to be able to differentiate you needs and your wants...

The feeling of being thankful and being in gratitude with what you have will make you focus on the needs of the day and away from your wants.

Let me give a simple example, I m thankful for my health and therefore I feel in gratitude to Allah that He had given me good health and strength to do my obligations during the day. In order to show that gratitude I promised to look after my health by exercising and eating food that will make me healthy. As such I will only do things that are needed; to exercise and eat healthy food to show to Allah that I am thankful for what He has given me and in the process I will be rewarded with good health...it’s cyclical! And thus avoid my wants of all those junk food...

There were times when I thought of or I was asked to advice someone on certain things and I backed off with the following questions:

1.     Does this person see the NEED to change?

2.     Is whatever he/she is doing is a PROBLEM to her/him?

3.     Or is it a PROBLEM to others/me?

Firstly, if this person WANTS to change but do not really see the NEEDs – forget it! But if he or she wants to change and see the need to change then, I’ll help.

Secondly, if she or he does not think it is a problem – forget it! But if it is a problem to her or him then we can work something out.

Thirdly, if it is a problem to others then those who thinks that it is a problem has to make the change that will not affect people who does not think that it is a problem. Tricky? Well here is an example; I used to get irritated at loud voices when I was working in the office. I am an A.D. so, anything for that matter will distract me. But those people who make the noises do not think it is a problem...ya, yah u can said they are so inconsiderate and whatever not and blame others – but what good will it be? The problem is YOU find it is a problem. While others doesn’t. So YOU have to CHANGE because it is your NEEDs not others. So whenever I need to block the sound off I put on my earpiece and listen to music that will allow me to focus. or I look at it as time to socialize and join them and make the noises together (socialize lah).

 Thus it is no longer a problem to me. I want to get rid of the noises when I see the need to get rid of it...

Well there are many other issues on wants and needs when it comes to buying stuff but that is another long story...I will WANT to write about it when I see the NEED...

May Allah provide us the wisdom to work on our NEEDs instead of our wants, insha'Allah...Amin

Resources:

Needs and Wants (Pebble Books)
King Me: What Every Son Wants and Needs From His Father
What a Man Wants - What a Woman Needs
I Want, I Need
Necessities and Temptations

Also posted on Jan 30, '11 11:42 PM from http://ssaria.multiply.com/journal/item/131/Needs_Wants

When will my child be ready for childcare?

Peace be to all ... Missed my days working at childcare, I remembered on one occasion during my short stint working at a privately-run childcare. It was short because it was privately and poorly ran as such I could not forget the advice I gave to a young couple against putting their 18 mth old daughter in a childcare.

During that time, I was as young but considering I had 3 children and they had 1 - I considered myself older . I was the supervisor and they wanted to register their child in the childcare. I brought them to the 18month old group and let their child play with the children there and then chat with them.

The 1st question i asked them was: "Is there anyone looking after her at home when both of you are at work?"

The mother replied; "Yes, my MIL and FIL are home looking after her." I noticed the husband casted his eyes on the floor and avoid eye contact.

"Are they taking care of her well? I can see she is very bright and cheery," I added

"Yes, they do...we are just thinking of putting her early in a childcare so she can learn," the mother added.

Very noble thought I said to myself, " What do you see the children in this age group are doing here now?" I asked her.

"Play?" she said

"Yes, that's it, does she play at home?" I was rubbing it in

"Yes, but i tot there will be reading and colouring and writing activities for them," she inquired

"Yes, very basic...nothing that a doting granmother and grandfather can't do. And you know what these children here are missing as compared to your daughter?" I asked her because it was becoming very clear the idea was hers not her husband.

She shook her head..." loving grandparents who will love them and give them the tender, loving care that children at this age needed most. They need hugs and kisses and someone to talk to. Your daughter is so lucky to have 2 grandparents at home to give her the full attention. I know u are worried she will be spoilt, spend your time reading and give her activities to do with you when you are home. Or get your MIL & FIL help her do the colouring books. There is no way...u can pay for that kind of attention here." I cant stand it when ppl r not thankful for what they have.

So to rub it in I said to her softly, "Look at these children, I feel sorry for them because, they have runny nose, they get infected from their frens. Parents send them eventhough they have not fully recovered because there's noone to look after them at home. They get sick easily when u put them in a childcare. Do you want this for your daughter. I will take her in if you do not have other childcare arrangement but be thankful you have 2 good caregivers to care for her when you are away at work."

At that point, I saw the husband face lightened up and he smiled at me then look at his wife. I touched her hand and added, "Think about it, if there are any misunderstanding talk about it and discuss afterall you are doing what you feel is good for your daughter and I m sure her grandparents want that too." I left them alone and play with the kids for a while. Then they called their daughter over, thanked me and left.

I only worked for 3 months in that childcare...working in a childcare that was clearly under-managed due to profit-making was not my cup of tea...but the experience was valueable for a short stint. Hehehe if my boss heard what I said to that couple, I get fired anyway. My heart goes to those children, I am glad to know that many more non-profit organisation are opening better quality childcare.

My advise to many young parents if it is not overwhelming for the caregiver at home...let them stay home until they are toilet-trained before you send them for childcare.

Oooops sorry...i just remembered my children were all toilet trained by 18 - 24 months but I noticed some children are later now...ok maybe when they can make sentences and tell you stuff i.e. about 36 months and above unless it is playgroup or pre-school that will not require them to stay at the centre whole day for 5 days a week.

But of course if you do not have a good caretaker, then that's another story. I wish those mother who don't have good caretaker will choose to stay home with their children for at least the first 2 or 3 years (6 will be great!) ...those are wonderful years where their growth and development in all areas spurt like wild fire - like the saying that say "Everything that u need to learn in life, you'll learn it in kindergarten." Another words what make your child is what he/she learns when he/she is at the age of 0-6 years old. - a very sad thruth for some...

But as I said before...parents know best, insha'Allah...seek advice if you are not sure  make it an informed decision, then work towards making it the RIGHT decision.

Only Allah knows best!

This is part of the essence of motherhood, watching your kid grow into her own person and not being able to do anything about it. Otherwise children would be nothing more than pets.  ~ Heather ArmstrongTaken from http://ssaria.multiply.com/journal/item/122/When_will_my_child_be_ready_for_childcare written on Dec 15, '10 

Resources

Ready or Not: Childcare Providers⿿ and Kindergarten Teachers⿿Perceptions on the School Readiness of Children withand without Disabilities
The Childcare Answer Book
Positive Discipline for Childcare Providers: A Practical and Effective Plan for Every Preschool and Daycare ProgramPrecious Moments "Yield Not to Temptation"