Alhamdulillah...All Praises be to Allah, at this age meeting old friends physically (not via FB) is a luxury and am thankful and grateful to Allah for giving me the opportunity to meet them.
We shared old memories and the life we had left behind as well as updates about our family and friends. We doa for the sick and those facing challenges. Of all the things we shared the ones we loved most is sharing about our own children. In many of the conversations we had many a time I will have to remind myself about always be in gratitude of the children I have. Accepting them as what they are regardless of the pressure others put onto us.
There were many times I had to stop myself from telling my dear friends - please don't push your children into doing things that you want but let them do things that they want. Help them to find their passion and not push a certain "passion" that you want unto them. I wish I have the courage but alas what I can do is only to tell them to be thankful and accept their children as what they are. They may not meet your expectations but they are Allah's unique creations. They are perfect because they meet all of His expectations to be human. They are perfect in their own ways.
Some of the complains or grievances I heard are;
My child is failing in his standard Maths and the teacher told me to switch to foundation Maths. I feel that he will miss learning things that he should be at his age if I change his class to foundation Maths.
My humble opinion:
I will rather have my son feel jubilant and excited about scoring well for his foundation Maths rather than keep feeling disappointed over his failing marks. Will he miss learning things that he should - he certainly will if he stays taking standard maths because he will not understand and will be behind in his capacity to grasp the concepts that he has yet to understand. He will not if he is in foundation maths because he will be covering concepts that is up to his ability on top of it he will feel that he is in control and able to solve the problems given within his capacity - that feeling will definitely boost his confidence and spur him to even score better. Being able to score well will be an intrinsic motivation and he will be willing to learn more to be able to solve more maths problems.
I had seen my students who had switched from Standard Maths to Foundation Maths dancing and feeling euphoria for being able to score in their Maths paper. They told me they had never passed their Maths before - with that score, it boost their confident and they began to challenge themselves to do even better. Alhamdulillah the adrenaline infected their friends and they challenged and helped each other to score in their papers. All of them passed their Maths and managed to go to secondary school. It's ok if they end up in Normal stream after all they are normal human beings.
Of course not all parents are pushing their children beyond their means there are also many parents who encourage their children to take the path less traveled:
I know of a parent who told her daughter to continue to polytechnic instead of junior college even tho her daughter can get into a good college. Her reason being her child will not be able t cope with the academic pressure in college. Her daughter excel in polytechnic and got into Singapore top University, while some of her friends failed their A Level and enter a polytechnic when she entered university. However, its never to late for her friends to make the switch - glad they still persevere to pursue their studies.
Another good example is a mother who appeal for her daughter to enter into a normal stream of a good neighbourhood sec sch because her daughter's PSLE score is too low for an express stream of that school and too high for the normal stream (because she qualifies for the Express stream). Her daughter was able to reap the benefits and develop into confident youth and again choose to go to ITE to get the course she desired instead of taking a polytechnic course that she has no interest in. She knows with the NITEC cert she can later join the polytechnic and get into the course that she is passionate about.
A mother of 2 boys insisted that both her sons who qualify to enter polytechnic go for ITE first before applying to polytechnic so that they will have a strong foundation before pursuing polytechnic diploma. Her sons did well and find their polytechnic education a breeze with the foundation that they had gained from ITE.
I always remind myself that all the intellectual and wisdom that we have does not belong to us. Allah gives us those faculty and He may take it away any time He wish. The best that we can do is be in gratitude, be thankful for what He has given us. Sincerely accept it as the way it is - (redha) My questions to myself are:
Why do I need to put pressure into my children's learning?
Why do I have to pressure myself to succumb to the "norm" when it is not normal?
Why should I put expectations on my children when I know whatever is meant for them has been written for them by Allah?
So does that mean I don't have expectations? - Does that mean I care less about their education?
On contrary, they do have standards to meet but they set it according to their means. I support them with limitations and fundamentals that they have to abide by. They need guidance and that's what they will get - the choice is theirs and if they want results they know they have to work for it. If they had put in their effort and the result is not what they wished for they knew that -there r blessings in it. But if the results is due to their lack of effort - they will face the consequences of their actions and work on it if they wish it to change.
Insya'Allah there are many better ways and techniques that works well for others sometimes I wish I am able to instill in my children and maybe they will be better? Just a wishful thinking - Each parent and child are made to be together, its like part of puzzle - the best way is to work with your child and see which works best - before we can do that as parents we need to know the strength and weakness of our child. From there we can work towards developing our child's potential to the max.
May Allah provide us all with the right wisdom, sense and all other faculties for us to be able to nurture our children to be the best they can be... Amin Ya Rabbal Alamin
We shared old memories and the life we had left behind as well as updates about our family and friends. We doa for the sick and those facing challenges. Of all the things we shared the ones we loved most is sharing about our own children. In many of the conversations we had many a time I will have to remind myself about always be in gratitude of the children I have. Accepting them as what they are regardless of the pressure others put onto us.
There were many times I had to stop myself from telling my dear friends - please don't push your children into doing things that you want but let them do things that they want. Help them to find their passion and not push a certain "passion" that you want unto them. I wish I have the courage but alas what I can do is only to tell them to be thankful and accept their children as what they are. They may not meet your expectations but they are Allah's unique creations. They are perfect because they meet all of His expectations to be human. They are perfect in their own ways.
Some of the complains or grievances I heard are;
My child is failing in his standard Maths and the teacher told me to switch to foundation Maths. I feel that he will miss learning things that he should be at his age if I change his class to foundation Maths.
My humble opinion:
I will rather have my son feel jubilant and excited about scoring well for his foundation Maths rather than keep feeling disappointed over his failing marks. Will he miss learning things that he should - he certainly will if he stays taking standard maths because he will not understand and will be behind in his capacity to grasp the concepts that he has yet to understand. He will not if he is in foundation maths because he will be covering concepts that is up to his ability on top of it he will feel that he is in control and able to solve the problems given within his capacity - that feeling will definitely boost his confidence and spur him to even score better. Being able to score well will be an intrinsic motivation and he will be willing to learn more to be able to solve more maths problems.
I had seen my students who had switched from Standard Maths to Foundation Maths dancing and feeling euphoria for being able to score in their Maths paper. They told me they had never passed their Maths before - with that score, it boost their confident and they began to challenge themselves to do even better. Alhamdulillah the adrenaline infected their friends and they challenged and helped each other to score in their papers. All of them passed their Maths and managed to go to secondary school. It's ok if they end up in Normal stream after all they are normal human beings.
Of course not all parents are pushing their children beyond their means there are also many parents who encourage their children to take the path less traveled:
I know of a parent who told her daughter to continue to polytechnic instead of junior college even tho her daughter can get into a good college. Her reason being her child will not be able t cope with the academic pressure in college. Her daughter excel in polytechnic and got into Singapore top University, while some of her friends failed their A Level and enter a polytechnic when she entered university. However, its never to late for her friends to make the switch - glad they still persevere to pursue their studies.
Another good example is a mother who appeal for her daughter to enter into a normal stream of a good neighbourhood sec sch because her daughter's PSLE score is too low for an express stream of that school and too high for the normal stream (because she qualifies for the Express stream). Her daughter was able to reap the benefits and develop into confident youth and again choose to go to ITE to get the course she desired instead of taking a polytechnic course that she has no interest in. She knows with the NITEC cert she can later join the polytechnic and get into the course that she is passionate about.
A mother of 2 boys insisted that both her sons who qualify to enter polytechnic go for ITE first before applying to polytechnic so that they will have a strong foundation before pursuing polytechnic diploma. Her sons did well and find their polytechnic education a breeze with the foundation that they had gained from ITE.
I always remind myself that all the intellectual and wisdom that we have does not belong to us. Allah gives us those faculty and He may take it away any time He wish. The best that we can do is be in gratitude, be thankful for what He has given us. Sincerely accept it as the way it is - (redha) My questions to myself are:
Why do I need to put pressure into my children's learning?
Why do I have to pressure myself to succumb to the "norm" when it is not normal?
Why should I put expectations on my children when I know whatever is meant for them has been written for them by Allah?
So does that mean I don't have expectations? - Does that mean I care less about their education?
On contrary, they do have standards to meet but they set it according to their means. I support them with limitations and fundamentals that they have to abide by. They need guidance and that's what they will get - the choice is theirs and if they want results they know they have to work for it. If they had put in their effort and the result is not what they wished for they knew that -there r blessings in it. But if the results is due to their lack of effort - they will face the consequences of their actions and work on it if they wish it to change.
Insya'Allah there are many better ways and techniques that works well for others sometimes I wish I am able to instill in my children and maybe they will be better? Just a wishful thinking - Each parent and child are made to be together, its like part of puzzle - the best way is to work with your child and see which works best - before we can do that as parents we need to know the strength and weakness of our child. From there we can work towards developing our child's potential to the max.
May Allah provide us all with the right wisdom, sense and all other faculties for us to be able to nurture our children to be the best they can be... Amin Ya Rabbal Alamin
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