The Winning Child - Raising Your Children Self-esteem and confidence

Peace be to all,

Alhamdulillah I had the priveledge of sharing the above workshop with a large group of parents at Al-Mukminin Mosque last Saturday. There was a technical glitched and we start later than plan...I am writing this blog as a reflection to the workshop.

Just before the workshop the principal told me that they wished to actually share with the parents how activity-based lessons (i.e. aLIVE is conducted in class) ...perfect timing, right when I was supposed to start I was told about the hidden curriculum.
 Well, that's exactly how I will conduct the workshop - so no qualms the only addition I have to add is to connect the two together my activity-based workshop to aLIVE activity-based lesson.

The parents were very actively involved - some were quiet shy to discuss at first but after a while they started sharing among their group members and later to the whole hall  - Yes we got over 50 parents participating in the workshop of various races. - which I forgot at times and had to translate the Malay words that I used sometimes.

Glad to see that some asked questions when they were in doubt. Though I did not managed to cover the 5 principle of self-esteem that I wish to cover, we did managed to cover some case-studies that are quiet demanding for the parents. Amazingly some of them began to see how these situational incidents can be a teachable moments for them as parents as well as their children. These are some of the points discussed if you wish to have the slides or clarification do write it in the comments below. Will be happy to email it to you.

Here are the 5 principles covered: 
1. LISTEN TO AND ACKNOWLEDGE

The thoughts and feelings of your children To Help Children Experience Feelings of Success
—Communicate expectations specifically & positively
—Paraphrase instead of evaluating
—Show empathy
—Ask open questions to “tell it like it is”
—Seek clarification of meaning
—Invite children to elaborate
2. STRUCTURE SITUATIONS

—Check child’s understanding of expectation

—Offer reasons for expectations

—State expectations in advance

—Clarify expectations

—Establish incentives

—Offer help

3 . REASONABLE CONTROL Over Their Lives 

—Offer choices

—Communicate acceptance

—Use “I” rather than “You” messages

—State preferences rather than demands

—Tell what can be done instead of what can't

—Allow for negotiation

 4. REINFORCE  YOUR CHILDREN AS LOVABLE & CAPABLE
—Be specific when you praise

—Be specific when you reprimand

—Generalize the positives that they exhibit repeatedly

—Reinforce for who they are as well as what they do

—Convey to them that you love them even when u don’t like what they do

—Focus on their behaviour when reprimanding

—Use feelings statements

—Reinforce success when faced when failure

 5. MODEL A POSITIVE VIEW OF YOURSELF TO YOUR CHILDREN 

Be a model to children by:

—Play with them freely and confidently

—Don’t be afraid to face challenges

—Do things in a lighthearted ways

—Provide confident and positive picture of yourself

—Talk positively about talents you possess

—Show them your concern about helping others

Recommended Resources

• Self-Esteem for Tots to Teens: How You Can Help Your Children Feel More Confident and Lovable
• Self-Esteem for Tots to Teens: Five Principles for Raising Confident Children 
• More 1-2-3 Magic: Encouraging Good Behavior, Independence, and Self-Esteem
• Creating Self-Esteem and Self-Confidence DVD
• Stick Up for Yourself: Every Kid's Guide to Personal Power & Positive Self-Esteem (Revised & Updated Edition)
• 101 GAMES FOR SELF-ESTEEM BY DIDAX 
• Self-Esteem Games: 300 Fun Activities That Make Children Feel Good about Themselves
• Self Esteem Card Game
• Executive self-esteem Cube -idiot's cube- Rubik cube but all colors the same! 
• Ready-to-Use Self Esteem Activities for Young Children (J-B Ed: Ready-to-Use Activities)
• 104 Activities That Build: Self-Esteem, Teamwork, Communication, Anger Management, Self-Discovery, Coping Skills