Being in gratitude for the children we have

Alhamdulillah...All Praises be to Allah, at this age meeting old friends physically (not via FB) is a luxury and am thankful and grateful to Allah for giving me the opportunity to meet them.

We shared old memories and the life we had left behind as well as updates about our family and friends. We doa for the sick and those facing challenges. Of all the things we shared the ones we loved most is sharing about our own children. In many of the conversations we had many a time I will have to remind myself about always be in gratitude of the children I have. Accepting them as what they are regardless of the pressure others put onto us.

There were many times I had to stop myself from telling my dear friends - please don't push your children into doing things that you want but let them do things that they want. Help them to find their passion and not push a certain "passion" that you want unto them. I wish I have the courage but alas what I can do is only to tell them to be thankful and accept their children as what they are. They may not meet your expectations but they are Allah's unique creations. They are perfect because they meet all of His expectations to be human. They are perfect in their own ways.

Some of the complains or grievances I heard are;
My child is failing in his standard Maths and the teacher told me to switch to foundation Maths. I feel that he will miss learning things that he should be at his age if I change his class to foundation Maths.

My humble opinion:
I will rather have my son feel jubilant and excited about scoring well for his foundation Maths rather than keep feeling disappointed over his failing marks. Will he miss learning things that he should - he certainly will if he stays taking standard maths because he will not understand and will be behind in his capacity to grasp the concepts that he has yet to understand. He will not if he is in foundation maths because he will be covering concepts that is up to his ability on top of it he will feel that he is in control and able to solve the problems given within his capacity - that feeling will definitely boost his confidence and spur him to even score better. Being able to score well will be an intrinsic motivation and he will be willing to learn more to be able to solve more maths problems.

I had seen my students who had switched from Standard Maths to Foundation Maths dancing and feeling euphoria for being able to score in their Maths paper. They told me they had never passed their Maths before - with that score, it boost their confident and they began to challenge themselves to do even better. Alhamdulillah the adrenaline infected their friends and they challenged and helped each other to score in their papers. All of them passed their Maths and managed to go to secondary school. It's ok if they end up in Normal stream after all they are normal human beings.

Of course not all parents are pushing their children beyond their means there are also many parents who encourage their children to take the path less traveled:

I know of a parent who told her daughter to continue to polytechnic instead of junior college even tho her daughter can get into a good college. Her reason being her child will not be able t cope with the academic pressure in college. Her daughter excel in polytechnic and got into Singapore top University, while some of her friends failed their A Level and enter a polytechnic when she entered university. However, its never to late for her friends to make the switch - glad they still persevere to pursue their studies.

Another good example is a mother who appeal for her daughter to enter into a normal stream of a good neighbourhood sec sch because her daughter's PSLE score is too low for an express stream of that school and too high for the normal stream (because she qualifies for the Express stream). Her daughter was able to reap the benefits and develop into confident youth and again choose to go to ITE to get the course she desired instead of taking a polytechnic course that she has no interest in. She knows with the NITEC cert she can later join the polytechnic and get into the course that she is passionate about.

A mother of 2 boys insisted that both her sons who qualify to enter polytechnic go for ITE first before applying to polytechnic so that they will have a strong foundation before pursuing polytechnic diploma. Her sons did well and find their polytechnic education a breeze with the foundation that they had gained from ITE.

I always remind myself that all the intellectual and wisdom that we have does not belong to us. Allah gives us those faculty and He may take it away any time He wish. The best that we can do is be in gratitude, be thankful for what He has given us. Sincerely accept it as the way it is - (redha) My questions to myself are:
Why do I need to put pressure into my children's learning?
Why do I have to pressure myself to succumb to the "norm" when it is not normal?
Why should I put expectations on my children when I know whatever is meant for them has been written for them by Allah?
So does that mean I don't have expectations? - Does that mean I care less about their education?
On contrary, they do have standards to meet but they set it according to their means. I support them with limitations and fundamentals that they have to abide by. They need guidance and that's what they will get - the choice is theirs and if they want results they know they have to work for it. If they had put in their effort and the result is not what they wished for they knew that -there r blessings in it. But if the results is due to their lack of effort - they will face the consequences of their actions and work on it if they wish it to change.

Insya'Allah there are many better ways and techniques that works well for others sometimes I wish I am able to instill in my children and maybe they will be better? Just a wishful thinking - Each parent and child are made to be together, its like part of puzzle - the best way is to work with your child and see which works best - before we can do that as parents we need to know the strength and weakness of our child. From there we can work towards developing our child's potential to the max.

May Allah provide us all with the right wisdom, sense and all other faculties for us to be able to nurture our children to be the best they can be... Amin Ya Rabbal Alamin

When to let go...

Written just after I left my last appointment on 7 August (last day of Ramadan)

Peace be to all... Alhamdulillah (all praises be to Allah), Allah has provided me with some time for me to continue this write-up for me to gain peace of mind after letting the loads off my shoulder.

Now its time for me to recuperate from an exhaustive full-time job. Though the job was manageable (when I am allowed to plan for it properly) the people management was beyond my capacity. I am thankful to Allah for guiding me and helping me to control my temper and my actions though I had some some bad days. Please forgive me and provide me the strength to improve, insha'Allah.

Knowing when to let go peacefully was what I had learnt, I had never taken a job or responsibility due to its monetary reward and will leave when I felt I was no longer capable of producing a good job (according to my standard). No regrets whatsoever - there were many learning points and reflective moments that I had encountered that made me forever in gratitude to Allah for putting me where I was.

It humbled me, when my incapability of producing the desired result had made me realised that I am not the "super" woman that I thought I was. Hahaha - my expectations of myself was too high, my ability of being an independent worker was shaken, my solitary work style was disturbed, my physical and mental health was challenged and my social skills was tested. After months of struggling, I felt abused and battered but am thankful for my faith, self-confident, self-esteem and moral values are still intact. :)

The decision to leave was made a few months after I started - you can call it self-prophecy and law of attractions - whatever! I did make an attempt to stay and try my best to make it bearable. However, knowing the fact that my life does not depend on it and my skills will be better utilised elsewhere help me make that decision quickly. I stayed longer than I had planned due to the fact that I did not want to demotivate my fellow team members. Just like me they were all over-worked and over-loaded because of poor-planning and last minute work-load. As soon as I saw some space that allow me to leave without adding their work-load I made the final call.

From then on ... my motivation was lifted up. I was able to put my work in order. Though another bulk of last minute work was given ... I managed to finish up what I needed to do. I had to slog until the very last minute before I stepped out of my office. Alhamdulillah - Leaving was my pleasure, even though I did not find another full-time position - I am not the least perturbed because I knew I needed some time to recuperate, lift my spirit up again, aid my wounded mental and physical health and be surrounded by lots of positive energies before I attempting another task.

While waiting for that suitable call, I am back to writing and doing part-time assignments. Thank you Allah for providing me with abundance opportunity to continue learning and discovering my good self through others. I know all that happened was written and I am just doing what I am capable of (it may not be as peaceful as others but it is my own way, my own time). All I hope is that I will always look up to You as my Guide - and seek Your Help to always be in gratitude for what You have in store for me...insha'Allah

سُوۡرَةُ الفَتْح
بِسۡمِ ٱللهِ ٱلرَّحۡمَـٰنِ ٱلرَّحِيمِ

إِنَّا فَتَحۡنَا لَكَ فَتۡحً۬ا مُّبِينً۬ا (١) لِّيَغۡفِرَ لَكَ ٱللَّهُ مَا تَقَدَّمَ مِن ذَنۢبِكَ وَمَا تَأَخَّرَ وَيُتِمَّ نِعۡمَتَهُ ۥ عَلَيۡكَ وَيَہۡدِيَكَ صِرَٲطً۬ا مُّسۡتَقِيمً۬ا (٢) وَيَنصُرَكَ ٱللَّهُ نَصۡرًا عَزِيزًا (٣) هُوَ ٱلَّذِىٓ أَنزَلَ ٱلسَّكِينَةَ فِى قُلُوبِ ٱلۡمُؤۡمِنِينَ لِيَزۡدَادُوٓاْ إِيمَـٰنً۬ا مَّعَ إِيمَـٰنِہِمۡ‌ۗ وَلِلَّهِ جُنُودُ ٱلسَّمَـٰوَٲتِ وَٱلۡأَرۡضِ‌ۚ وَكَانَ ٱللَّهُ عَلِيمًا حَكِيمً۬ا (٤)Surah Al-Fath
In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful

Lo! We have given thee (O Muhammad) a signal victory, (1) That Allah may forgive thee of thy sin that which is past and that which is to come, and may perfect His favour unto thee, and may guide thee on a right path, (2) And that Allah may help thee with strong help - (3) He it is Who sent down peace of reassurance into the hearts of the believers that they might add faith unto their faith. Allah's are the hosts of the heavens and the earth, and Allah is ever Knower, Wise - (4) 

Why r we rushing?

Peace b to all ... As I was walking hurriedly towards the carpark today on my way to pick up my girls - I was wondering  - why do I have to hurry?

The last minute meeting with my supervisor was the excused - then I was further challenged by a parking fine at my windshield because I parked at the season parking lot though I paid for my parking,even though my car does not affect any of the residents cos there were plenty parking lots. Arggg... but when I parked this morning there was only 1 lot empty bcos the residents were still at home getting ready for work - another excuse to get angry?

Well I took it and just drove off - my girls were waiting. The traffic was crazy and I asked myself again - why am I in a hurry?

I kept thinking - "Peace was all I needed... time and what is happening are all under Allah's control. So why am I in a hurry?" The situation will not change but I can change in my acceptance of the situation. Breath and relax - I don't need to be in a hurry.

سُوۡرَةُ العَصر
بِسۡمِ ٱللهِ ٱلرَّحۡمَـٰنِ ٱلرَّحِيمِ

وَٱلۡعَصۡرِ (١) إِنَّ ٱلۡإِنسَـٰنَ لَفِى خُسۡرٍ (٢) إِلَّا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُواْ وَعَمِلُواْ ٱلصَّـٰلِحَـٰتِ وَتَوَاصَوۡاْ بِٱلۡحَقِّ وَتَوَاصَوۡاْ بِٱلصَّبۡرِ (٣)

Surah Al-Asr

In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful

By the declining day, (1) Lo! man is a state of loss, (2) Save those who believe and do good works, and exhort one another to truth and exhort one another to endurance. (3)

What I need to do is to remain calm and at peace with my self - patience and then I will not be in a state of Loss. Insha'Allah. Amiin...

It is because of Allah

Peace b to all .... oIf there is anything I want to put a cause of how or why it happens it is because of Allah. Whether we like it or not it is due to Allah's Mercy that things happened as they did.
The same goes when it comes to our children and the life we lead to. At times I felt that many of us are arrogant and wishful for thinking that we made it happen when it turned out to be good and and there must b something wrong somewhere when the end results is not as planned or what we wish for.
I have seen many cases, even for myself that sometimes I get disappointed, dissatisfied, unhappy with certain outcome and started to look for something to blame. Then after reflecting and trying to gather the learning points - at the end of the day, I will have a better sense of acceptance if I had put it as - Allah had planned for it to happened this way. My only duty is to go thru the process with an open heart and redha.In such a situation I would feel more at peace and less dissatisfied or disappointed :)

Auditory deficiency?

Alhamdulillah...its raining and the cool day reminded me of the cold breeze up Mount Kinabalu (see pic) was there last June - yes I missed the mountains and I missed having the freedom of not having to go to work in the morning. But still I m always in gratitude to Allah for allowing me to be useful - to have something to do and get paid for it even tho I feel that I m not doing much except that I am rushing every time I m at office to accomplish 1 task after another.

Every time I m overwhelmed, I told myself that I should be in gratitude for being able to contribute to the community and help many in their learning journey...yes inshaa-Allah hope I will continue to be able to contribute and help others in my line of work.

Everyday...I pick up some tips from my colleagues and learn to be patient, to stay calm and the same time not to take things for granted ...I have to listen and stay quiet until others are done talking - that is one of the most difficult thing for me to do - but I get many chances to re-learn and try again to listen. Because there are so many ppl who wants to talk and all I need is to stay quiet and listen.

Being auditory deficit is a challenge - not that I can't hear well - I just am not good at listening because I can hear lots of things. People talking is like mosquitoes buzzing in my ears - so now I am trying to find ways to make those voices sound like music to my ears. So I will be able to listen well instead of hearing noises.

It's a challenge - but what is life without challenges - u will not grow if you are unable to overcome challenges. Growth will make you feel alive and knowing there is something for you to attain and a goal for you to achieve - yes, it is a simple and minute goal and I m ever in gratitude to Allah for giving me such a simple challenge. For I m weak and small and I m not sure I can handle more than that. I m worried I might not even be able to carry out this challenge and clear those noises into something positive and productive.

Oh Allah... I can only turn to You for help - because You give me this faculty - let me make good use of it, inshaa-Allah. Ameen...

بِسۡمِ ٱللهِ ٱلرَّحۡمَـٰنِ ٱلرَّحِيمِ

وَقَالُواْ لَوۡ كُنَّا نَسۡمَعُ أَوۡ نَعۡقِلُ مَا كُنَّا فِىٓ أَصۡحَـٰبِ ٱلسَّعِيرِ (١٠)

They will further say: "Had we but listened or used our intelligence we should not (now) be among the Companions of the Blazing Fire!" (Surah Al-Mulk:10)

Being healthy is a choice...

Peace be upon all,

Whenever I fell sick, I will try my very best to be positive and to keep thinking of all the good things that I should always be in gratitude for;

• being able to breath (even with slight difficulty... or else I will not be able to appreciate the ease of breathing without mucus stuck in my nose & throat or having a congested chest.
• food to eat even tho I might not feel like eating (which is a double plus - so that I will not overeat and only eat to provide me the energy to do my daily chores)
• walk even if it is slower than usual - and appreciating the strength that Allah gives me whenever I m healthier
• and many, many more...

sometimes, many times actually I wanted to advice my frens about living a healthier lifestyle but am afraid to intrude cos they had chosen the lifestyles that they are proud of; the ones that allow them to show what they can eat and not be afraid of the harm they do to their health...

So I stop myself from doing it bcos I had chosen the path I wanted too and not what others wanted me to do. And that is trying to live a healthier life. I will be lying if I said I never strayed. The very reason why I am sick now is because I had strayed from looking after my health.

I don't blame others but I know - I had not been exercising and looking after my food intake for the last 2 weeks. As a result, my immunity system went down and I got easily infected with the cough and cold that my colleague was having.

As usual there is a blessing in disguise - I lost the weigh I gain from eating junks the past 2 weeks and have time to plan for my next round of fitness routine. I also get to reflect the price and consequences I have to pay for neglecting my health.

Alhamdulillah - I m so glad I can reflect on it and continue pursuing my journey to lead a healthy lifestyle. In-shaa-Allah I hope all of us will - there is no harm enjoying the goodness of the food that Allah has showered on us - but do remember to come back to reality and observe Rasulullah s.a.w. sunnah to be moderate and do take care of our health so that we can continue be a service to others for the sake of Allah, in-shaa-Allah. 

Our Gifts From Allah

Written on: 13 July 2011

In less than 2 weeks my eldest daughter will be 17. Alhamdulillah, we had never thought she will do so very well at this stage of her life. Her achievements was way beyond our expectation. She is our biologist and chemist who can rattle of and explain in details the things that she had learnt or the experiment that she had done. its reactions and what not. One of the things she loves to do is to create her own words...and so her siblings suggested that she writes her own dictionary. And they were thinking of all the words that she had created and they are still using since she was 10 or 8. It was fun listening to them - after all she was able to talk in sentences before she was one year old which I tot was normal.

.

And so when one of my children was selected to attend the gifted education program years back - I was thinking it was no big deal because I felt all my children were gifted in their own ways . And still it is no big deal to us - what we worry most is what she will be when she grows up her choice of career and her attitude towards life and the hereafter. She was never treated differently from her siblings and to say that she is different - definitely all my children are unique in their own way.

But there is one advantage of having her around - she is our human calculator. Whenever we are lazy to calculate stuff we will just give her the numbers and she will do it faster than the calculator. she just recently introduced to her siblings a game she played whenever she is in a bus - look at the number plate of the cars and make a number sentence to turn them to 13. When asked why 13 - she said its a prime number so can only be divisible by it self - she has yet to find a solution for one of the set of numbers and told them to try and solve it. They roll their eyes and ignored her.

.

The other 2 are still finding their niche, Alia is very good in Art and anything to do with her hands, insya'Allah hope she'll be able to explore it when she goes to secondary school. At the moment her main target is to get PSLE over with. Insya'Allah she is a courages little girl (tho she is not little now) and will be able to bloom and make others happy through her sensitive nature.

.

Amsyar is still playful by nature even tho we try to limit it  ... he still spends more time playing games than pouring over books - but no qualms he is doing excellent in school and has aspirations that he is not able to put in words yet or we are probably too impatient to wait for him to arrange the rush of words and action that came to his head all at once. Insya'Allah he too will be able to find his niche and please Allah with whatever he chooses.

.

Insya'Allah we are not sure of the future but we are forever in gratitude to Allah for all the belessings he has showered upon us. Alhamdulillah we are and forever will be under His watchful eyes and insya'Allah will continue to be filled with His blessings always...Ameen

Huh! I m working?

Peace be to all ... understatement of the year... I guess everyone is working full time one way or the other. The moment u wake up you have to "work" the difference is u need not get out and go to a specific place every weekday as a routine. Or you can choose what you want to do and set your own datelines and not get stressed out by a supervisor or anyone above you. But you'll still get stressed out by others - haiz... what is life without stress :) Hmmm... that does not make any difference to me ... hahaha the only difference is I don't have to do my work at a specific place and show my face there or force myself sitting in a corner to complete my task and get paid on a regular basis.

I m never someone who can get used to a routine for long...the last time i gotten used or try to get used to a routine ... I almost turned bonkers, it must have been hard for my system ... and so I had decided to take a break and became very undisciplined and random in what I m doing. It's been more than a year now and I m starting to contemplate as to whether i should go back and jump into the bandwagon again??? Be discipline and consistent in my so that I will be more productive and able to contribute more to the society and blah, blah and blah...

So now I have to go tru another round of contemplation to assess the pros and cons of going back to "work" ... I got a feeling it will take quiet some time bcos I have some projects that i m doing that may stretch all the way to next year...haha... let be discipline and get those projects completed before i surrendering myself to a routine schedule :)

I supposed when the time is right Allah will provide for me the urge and the need to be employed (regardless as an independent or an employee) - what is important is I will be doing it because Allah will be pleased with me, insyaallah.

Shoo! Keep away arrogance!

سُوۡرَةُ بنیٓ اسرآئیل / الإسرَاء

وَلَا تَمۡشِ فِى ٱلۡأَرۡضِ مَرَحًا‌ۖ إِنَّكَ لَن تَخۡرِقَ ٱلۡأَرۡضَ وَلَن تَبۡلُغَ ٱلۡجِبَالَ طُولاً۬ (٣٧)

Al-Isra And walk not on the earth with conceit and arrogance. Verily, you can neither rend nor penetrate the earth, nor can you attain a stature like the mountains in height. (37)

i was taught and conditioned by my respected teachers and elders that there is nothing so great about me other that i am one of Allah's creations. just like a spec of dust in the Universe - i must however remain thankful and in constant gratitude for being that spec of dust.

hehe somehow it reminds me of Dr Suess story of "Horton hears a who" even tho u r a spec of dust. U still belong to a universe of your own and u deserve all the respect bcos u r still created for a purpose.

سُوۡرَةُ المؤمنون

أَفَحَسِبۡتُمۡ أَنَّمَا خَلَقۡنَـٰكُمۡ عَبَثً۬ا وَأَنَّكُمۡ إِلَيۡنَا لَا تُرۡجَعُونَ (١١٥)

Al-Mumenoon

"Did you think that We had created you in play (without any purpose), and that you would not be brought back to Us?" (115)

And so I must always remind myself not to be arrogant for what ever you have done well or otherwise it is because The Creator allows it to happen. Nobody can stop it from happening. So when u see someone doing stupid stuff - imagine yourself doing it too, this will help you from being judgemental towards that person.

The same goes when u see someone successful and you wish for the same, imagine yourself being one and work towards that purpose, insyaallah you will achieve it too.

I once laughed or commented on how could a person made such a stupid mistake and unknowingly I had made the same mistake at another time. When I realised it was too late to turn back. It was a painful yet very valuable lesson which taught me never to laughed at others because it could happen to me too. 

It also made me realised that at that point of time if Allah had wanted me not to make those mistakes earlier He would have allowed it but it was meant for me to make those mistakes so that I will learnt from it and become stronger in faith, be humble and never be arrogant. Insyaallah, Allah will keep me away from making the same mistakes again.

Everything that happened is already written, the difference is how we will handle the consequences. If we redha and accepted it as it is, we will be able to move on - if we don't than we r being too arrogant to accept what Allah had given us.

May all of us see the path that is meant for us clearly and move towards it calmly with Allah's blessings, insyaAllah. Amin

How homemaker find own personal time & space?

Peace be to all... been quiet a while since i write down my thoughts, well the above question was asked by a friend and so i need to write down my thoughts in order for me to "see" what the questions is in the 1st place. As usual, i have to ask a few questions before i can actually answer the question.

Q1 - Define homemaker?

http://simple.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homemaker - definition

A homemaker is a person whose main job is to take care of their own family home and children. Traditionally, the job of homemaker is done by women and the job of provider is done by men, but both men and women can be providers and homemakers.

To me that means my hubby is also a homemaker - for goodness sake! Every mom and dad out there is a homemaker! honestly, i hate all this titles and what-not this name calling thingy -  ok i accept as a general definition - i m a homemaker - blah!

next Q2 - why is the question given to me? 

Answer: because i m no longer working full-time and spent more time at home than outside home ... heee... just does'nt sounds right :)

Q3 - What is personal time and space? well i am never good with words and how to explain things so as usual i googled  for "personal time and space" and came across this:

Lebanese American poet Kahlil Gibran wrote in his book "The Prophet", on marriage:

The strings of a lute are alone though

they quiver with the same music

Give your hearts,

but not into each other's keeping.

For only the hand of Life

can contain your hearts.

And stand together,

yet not too near together:

For the pillars of the temple

stand apart,

And the oak tree and the cypress

grow not in each other's shadow.

I am never good at interpreting poem  either, but i do know everyone need personal space and time regardless whether u are a homemaker or not. 

Q4. How do you find it? To me? I can just shutdown everything else around me and be by myself anytime i want to - even in crowded places - Yes! What is personal time to me:

when i m read the Quran, feeling Allah is talking directly to me

when i am able to browse tru the internet

When i am engrossed reading a book, 

when i m able to expand my creative juices in any of my hobbies 

When i am able to ride a bike without having to wait 

when i m taking long walks to keep myself fit

when i m out trekking and enjoying His blessings that surrounds me

when i m watching tv and be able to immerse and understand the story 

when i m writing and talking to myself while doing so ;)

Q5. What is MY personal space? I am happy when i m given the space to do the above regardless whether it is just a seat or a corner while riding the MRT or the whole park when i m doing my walk.

Each individual define personal time and space differently, to me, i don't have to be away from my family nor friends to attain it. As someone who is married with children, i automatically will arrange my time and space with my family to consider with. When i was working - my working table is my personal space where i m given the liberty to arrange and keep it tidy as i wish :) lunch time or even when i m working on my own - i will consider it as personal time. At home when i am resting and sleeping that is my personal time. Or when i go for facial and spa treatment too.

So if you ask me ~ how homemaker find own personal time & space? Just make it - the time is in your hand - it is up to you to make that time. Whether you are working out of home or not, ultimately you and everyone have 24hours per day. It is up to you to prioritize and make that time and space yours.

the difference ... in confidence & self esteem...

Peace be to all...
I met a dear friend, Lina and her family the other day and as usual we will exchange news and talk about our children. While I have 3 girls and a boy (youngest), she has the exact opposite. So our experience differ in raising our children. While my girls can sit quietly, play or read among themselves in a corner (even my son is able to do the same thou he will run around when he is outdoor or restless), her boys will start wrestling with each other and run around the room almost every second. The girl will just sit at a corner watching tv and oblivious of the boys.

I love watching their reactions and the activities that they come up with ... but the noise level, a little bit too high for me but for a short period - I can bear with it and enjoy it while it last ... no wonder i have more girls than boys and I tot I was better with boys (before we have the girls - hahaha), only Allah knows best. The girls get noisy too but I will not allow them to carry-on for long. And so our parenting styles differ accordingly ... they are stricter than us or shall I put it more organized and disciplined than us in most areas.

When they were young our children will at least have 1 hour physical activities every day - outdoor if possible. Lina would let hers played at home and only occasionally brought them out. They were too active, rowdy & too difficult to control - she said.  My children, didn't attend supplementary classes or play group apart from chilcare/kindergarten, Quranic reading and madrasah; but she sent hers to  all of the above and more language, maths and others.

When they started primary school - I told my children their bags and school's work and stuffs were their responsibility to look after. They could come to us when they need assistance but they were on their own. We stopped buying assessment books when my eldest was in P4 because we did not force them to do it (as learning should be self driven) so the books were usually not used, we decided to give away those books and stopped buying.

Lina and her hubby will diligently look tru their children's stuff and make sure they do their homework and sit with them to make sure they do the exercises in the assessment books that they bought. They told me if they did not sit with them - the children will not do it. I agree with that; that was why my children did not do any because we were not as consistent.

We are happy with our children's progress in school but they keep telling us they are disappointed with their children's. So when we met they other day, Even tho I was always ready to give her tips and advice but I realized, obviously our parenting style differs and what works in our home does not necessarily works in theirs ... then I noticed that even tho the children were busy with their activities and the girl seemed oblivious to her surrounding - the children were listening (or within the ear shot) to whatever their parents were saying.

Is this the case of self-Prophecy? - I asked myself. Do they trust their children? Is the law of attraction, attracting the negative forces? At that moment, the parents' voices, the children's reactions was like moving slowly in front of me and i managed to catch - those little movements and signals that were visible. The children were confirming the parents thoughts by reacting the way the parents were expecting them to react. I had to put a stop to this - I told myself.

Sadly, such thoughts are very true to many concerned parents, like Lina and her husband, they shows more of thier disappointments and worries than praises and trust to their children. As a result, their children lack the confident of being able to do well on their own. They lack the confident of putting trust in themselves for them to do well. They loose their self-esteem every time they heard their parents' disappointments. The thoughts of being a disappointments to their parents had been drummed in their heads that they denied themselves of the success to be otherwise. It is a case of self-prophecy - in this case the children are fulfilling their parents' wishes to be disappointed and that they are not good enough like other children. One other very sad thing is parents began to believe that their children are probably not as smart as other children ... and when I heard that from Lina, I turned red and so i told her these:

• First and foremost as parents we have to believe that our children are smart and genius in their own way. Each of them has the potential to excel and do well. You may not see what your child is good at today, have patience and put your trust in Allah and in the child that she/he will try her/his best and you will find their potential.We also have to lower our expectations accordingly if what we aspire is not up to our child's level and help them to achieve their best even if it is not at our best. Believe that they will do well and be successful in their own way and terms.
•  Whatever you are teaching and doing to your child may not be the best method. work with  your child to find what is better, listen and observe  your child most importantly believe that your child will be successful one day - they will find their niche, insyaallah.
• Please do not voice your disappointments openly to others about them. Do it quietly in consultation (without them around) Even when you tell them, do it gently and get them to plan with you how to overcome it - not just tell them and leave them to "think". They will think & feel they are useless and it will pull their self-esteem even lower.  
• It's ok to fail - I told my children this but what important is to learn from that failure and help them improve using other alternatives and ways. failing is not the end of the world - read this- PhD Students went from exams flop to cream of the crop
• Give your child the opportunity to problem solve - if it is not the matter of life and death - let them resolve their own problems.
• Guide and facilitate them to make smart choices but do not decide for them if it is not a matter of Iman & akidah, life & death.
• Most importantly - if you had tried your best as parents, then put your trust in Allah for He is the Sustainer, He will provide for your children, insya'Allah

May Allah continue giving us His guidance and bring us to the right path...Ameen

About knowing and being healthy

Peace be to all,
The month of Syawal is almost over, as a practice we will usually visit friends and relatives during this month. Though i enjoy being alone, i do make a point to visit my relatives and friends just to touch base and see how they are doing, we are living in a community after all. Tho i rather curl up at home, i had to force and extricate myself out. But at the end of the day it was always a pleasure meeting them and exchanging news and ideas. I am ever so grateful to have a bunch of great ppl around me, Alhamdulillah! :)

As usual we will have current and "major" topic to discuss and share about. Coincidentally, this year is about my hubby recent heart by-pass surgery. And so that become the "hot" topic for him to talk about this year as we went visiting. So the topic of discussion this year was on health. Ironically, tho many of us do know the importance of taking care of our health, the food served on our table showed otherwise. I tried my best to take as little as i could but temptation sometimes override and u tend to go with the flow. And so after each visits i will have to detox and exercise to burn the excess food i had taken the day before. Talking and knowing about healthy living is easy but being healthy and practicing what you know will take all the stamina and determination for you to be consistent.

We have both been trying to loose weight and we had successfully lost a few kg but the effect of "good food" had caused our weight to fluctuate like a yo-yo. So we need to work harder after each weekend and continue to persevere till we can successfully not only think healthy but also eat healthily, insya'Allah. This is one of the things that i don't quiet enjoy when we go from house to house. They are all good hosts and hostesses and such they tried their best to serve "good food" and as guest we don't have the heart to decline tho it harm our body, esp our hearts.

However, I had learned a few techniques of being seen as a good guest, if u already had had enuf;
1. delay taking the food as long as you can
2. take a bit and spread the food across the whole plate
3. "play" with your food and eat sparingly and slowly (to ensure there is always food on your plate)
4. Drink lots of water (plain, sugarless) so u r really "full" (u r not lying when u said u r full. it is also to help u fight the temptation of eating more than u need)
5. keep the conversation going or entertain your children
6. Don't forget to thank the guess for the lovely meal,
7. Remind yourself if u really like it - u can always eat it on another day when u are not full (by cooking it or buy it later) - don't force feed yourself and think that you had wasted the nice food by not eating them. But think of how much harm you will do to your body if you take excess food that your body can no longer take..

Alhamdulillah we r showered with plenty food in Singapore and most of us will not go hungry, insya'Allah, thus we do not need extra for keeps ;) these also apply to when i have wedding buffet to attend to...it is very risky to go on empty stomach, u tend to eat and want more than u need. SO I usually make sure i drink plenty of water and some fruits before approaching the buffet table ;) and it works! I will have not much appetite to eat thereafter and eat sparingly :)

BE HEALTHY & STAY CHEERFUL!!!

My Ramadan Collections

Peace be to All,

Ramadan is almost over...and am sad that Ihave not accomplished my desired target. However, Alhamdulillah, managed to do some Quran readings and Tarawih.  So for my own record and reference I will put it up here:  

First and foremost the dua for the remaining few days of Ramadan collection of Hadith by  Imam Ahmad as narrated by Ibn Umar r.a. :
 

Aisyah r.a. asked Rasulullah s.a.w.,"Ya Rasulullah s.a.w. if I found the night Lailatul-Qadar, what is the dua that I should recite? Rasulullah s.a.w. recited:

اللَّهُمَّ إِنَّكَ عَفُوٌّ تُحِبُّ اْلعَفْوَ فَاعْفُ عَنِّي
[Alloohumma Innaka ‘Afuwwun, Tuhibbul ‘Afwa, Fa’fu ‘Anni] 

 " Ya Allah! Sesungguhnya Engkau Maha Pengampun, oleh itu berilah keampunan-Mu untukku. "

"Oh Allah! You are the Most Forgiving, please give me Your forgiveness."

Here are the verses coincidentally my Quran readings covered mostly on the verses that are about Al-Quran.:

Qaf. By the glorious Qur'an, (1) 
Nay, but they marvel that a warner of their own hath come unto them; and the disbelievers say: This is a strange thing: (2)
When we are dead and have become dust (shall we be brought back again)? That would be a far return! (3)
We know that which the earth taketh of them, and with Us is a recording Book. (4) Nay, but they have denied the truth when it came unto them, therefor they are now in troubled case. (5)
Have they not then observed the sky above them, how We have constructed it and beautified it, and how there are no rifts therein? (6)
And the earth have We spread out, and have flung firm hills therein, and have caused of every lovely kind to grow thereon, (7) A vision and a reminder for every penitent slave. (8)
And We send down from the sky blessed water whereby We give growth unto gardens and the grain of crops, (9)
And lofty date-palms with ranged clusters, (10)
Provision (made) for men; and therewith We quicken a dead land. Even so will be the resurrection of the dead. (11) 

~ Surah Qaf

Ha Mim. The revelation of the Book is from Allah the Exalted in power, Full of Wisdom. Verily in the heavens and the earth, are Signs for those who believe. And in the creation of yourselves and the fact that animals are scattered (through the earth), are Signs for those of assured Faith. Surah Al-Jathiya (45), verses 1-4.

Wednesday at 07:22

Ha Mim. By the Book (Quran) that makes things clear - We sent it down during a blessed night: for We (ever) wish to warn (against evil). In that (night) is made distinct every affair of wisdom. By Command, from Our presence. For We (ever) sent (Revelations). As a mercy from thy Lord: for He hears and knows (all things); the Lord of the heavens and the earth and all between them if ye (but) have an assured faith. ~ (Chapter 44) Surah Ad-Dukhan:verses 1-7

Tuesday at 06:58

 [7:31] O Children of Adam! wear your beautiful apparel at every time and place of prayer: eat and drink: But waste not by excess, for Allah loveth not the wasters

22 August at 17:33 

Ha-Mim, By the Book (Quran) that makes things clear. We have made it a Qur'an in Arabic, that ye may be able to understand (and learn wisdom). And verily it is the Mother of the Book, in Our Presence, high (in dignity), full of wisdom. ~Sura 43 - Az-Zukhruf: Verse 1-4

21 August at 06:29

The same religion has He established for you (Muhammad) as that which He enjoined on Noah; that which We have sent by inspiration to thee (Muhammad)and that which We enjoined on Ibrahim, Musa, and Isa: namely, that ye should remain steadfast in Religion, and make no division therein: to those who worship other things than Allah, hard is the (way) to which thou callest them. Allah chooses to Himself those whom He pleases, and guide to Himself those who turn (to Him) Ash-Shura:13

21 August at 05:58

Sura 6 - Al-Anaam (MAKKA) : Verse 39
Those who reject Our Ayât (proofs, evidences, verses, lessons, signs, revelations, etc.) are deaf and dumb in darkness. Allâh sends astray whom He wills and He guides on the Straight Path whom He wills.

20 August at 15:39 

Allah it is Who appointed for you the earth for a dwelling place and the sky for a canopy, and fashioned you and perfected your shapes, and hath provided u with good things. Such is Allah, your Lord. Then blessed be Allah, the Lord of the Worlds. He is the Living One. There is no God save Him. So pray unto Him, making religion pure fo Him (only). Praise be to Allah, the Lord of the Worlds!~ surah Ghafir, Chapter 40, verses 64 & 65.

17 August at 06:51

If u reject (Allah), truly Allah has no need of you: but He likes not ingratitude from His servants: if u r grateful, He is pleased with you. No bearer of burdens can bear the burden of another. In the End to your Lord is your Return, when He will tell you the truth of all that u did (in this life). For He knows well all that is in (men's ) heart. Az-Zumar (chapter 39), verse 7.

16 August at 07:51

(This is) a Scripture that We have revealed unto thee, full of blessing, that they may ponder its revelations. and that men of understanding may reflect. 38(Sad):29

14 August at 07:07  

O ye who believe! Celebrate the praises of Allah, and do this often; And glorify Him morning and evening. He it is Who sends blessings on you as do His angels, that He may bring you out from depths of Darkness into Light: and He is Full of Mercy to the Believers. ~Al-Ahzab:41-43

04 August at 08:14

Verily the knowledge of the Hour is with Allah (alone). It is He Who sends down rain, and He Who knows what is in the wombs. Nor does any one know what it is that he will earn on the morrow: Nor does any one know in what land he is to die. Verily with Allah is full knowledge and He is acquainted (with all things). Surah Luqman,31:34

01 August at 20:39 via Mobile ·

So (give) glory to Allah, when ye reach eventide and when ye rise in the morning; Yea, to Him be praise, in the heaven and on earth; and in the late afternoon and when the day begins to decline Al-Room:17-18

 01 August at 08:00

And if ye (Muslims) call them to the Guidance they hear not; and thou (Muhammad) seest them looking toward thee, but they see not. (198) Keep to forgiveness (O Muhammad), and enjoin kindness, and turn away from the ignorant. (199) And if a slander from the devil wound thee, then seek refuge in Allah. Lo! He is Hearer, Knower. (200) ~Al-Araf

 25 July at 16:02