My Wishes should my time comes...

This Ramadan especially had made me think of the day I will return to the creator, the next phase of my life and the end of my physical life. My ruh going through the next phase of her life as one of Allah's creation called human 😔. That I should write my thoughts and let my family knows my wishes upon my leave to the next phase of my life ...

I wish to leave in Ramadan on a Friday at night (if I have a choice that is 😊) it will be even awesome if it is in one of the Holy cities Makkah or Madinah. Yes, my wishful thinking.

At home - I wish for the Quran to be read by all that present or at least listen to the readings of the Quran. Reading of the Quran by Mishari Rashid with the reading of the English translation by Picktal. Yeah, I wish for everyone to read the Quran but I have to be realistic so for those who do not wish to - can at least listen to the reading and the meaning instead of sitting and talking about whatever.

That day I wish ... I will return with Iman, did my taubat prayer and had some amal left as a legacy for others to carry-on using them so as to provide nutrition for me during my stay in alam bazarkh... insha'Allah. May Allah fulfil my wishes. 

Being a new mother again...

﷽‬

الحمد لله ربّ العالمين

 "All the praises and thanks be to God who is the Lord of the universes" 

We decided to be foster parents to a girl last July, the day came for us to pick her up from her school. I saw the worried face on the little girl. I talked to her and asked her how she felt. She seems anxious but aware of what had happened. 

She was under foster care since she was three, the current foster family had decided to give her up due to unforeseen circumstances. She explained to us what the family told her and even though I could sense she might not believe it, she kept repeating them so that it will be the reason for the change.

Her things were sent to our home before she came, she was well taken care of - her basic needs were more than necessary. We only need to add another set of school uniform because we just want her to have a spare.

The first day, she told me she wanted to learn how to draw, I told her that can be arranged when we had kept all her belongings and settled her for dinner. After shower and dinner we sat down and I showed her a book on basic drawing... however, I realised - it looks simple and easy for me, but not for a seven-year-old.

So thankful for the old dot-matrix printing paper that I hoarded - it's thin enough to be tracing paper! So I asked her what she wanted to draw - she showed me a picture of a girl in a book that I had shared with her earlier. So the simple tracing lesson began. I clipped the paper on the book and let her traced the picture out - it works! 

!الحمد لله ربّ العالمين

The first-day experience went well and she slept at the recommended bed-time. I was famished and wondered if I am capable of taking another child. I reminded myself of our intention, to give her an opportunity to live in a stable home that will provide for her the care and love that will help her to grow into an independent adult. There is no ideal home and we will show her our imperfections - so may Allah show us the way. 

ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُواْ وَعَمِلُواْ ٱلصَّـٰلِحَـٰتِ طُوبَىٰ لَهُمۡ وَحُسۡنُ مَـَٔابٍ۬ 

Those who believe and work righteous works, for them is bliss and a happy resort. (Al-Rad,13:29) 

My children came home one by one after she had gone to bed. They were quite anxious about getting another foster sister. We had talked and discussed about it - they are agreeable and did inform us that they may not be that helpful in looking after her. We told them - we make do with whatever, the time they can contribute in helping to look after her when we are busy, insha'Allah.

Need someone to talk to

As time goes by I know if I need someone to talk to and share my thoughts the best is to talk directly to Allah (God). I will not have to be embarrassed about it nor do I have to keep any secrets- I know I m safe from getting any disappointment or feel dissatisfied.

Holy Quran 27:62

------------------

أَمَّن يُجِيبُ الْمُضْطَرَّ إِذَا دَعَاهُ وَيَكْشِفُ السُّوءَ وَيَجْعَلُكُمْ خُلَفَاءَ الْأَرْضِ ۗ أَإِلَٰهٌ مَّعَ اللَّهِ ۚ قَلِيلًا مَّا تَذَكَّرُونَ

Or, Who listens to the (soul) distressed when it calls on Him, and Who relieves its suffering, and makes you (mankind) inheritors of the earth? (Can there be another) god besides Allah? Little it is that ye heed!

So I shall thus talk to Allah as and when I need to and not depend on a human being to satisfy my needs for emotional comfort.

Holy Quran 13:26

------------------

اللَّهُ يَبْسُطُ الرِّزْقَ لِمَن يَشَاءُ وَيَقْدِرُ ۚ وَفَرِحُوا بِالْحَيَاةِ الدُّنْيَا وَمَا الْحَيَاةُ الدُّنْيَا فِي الْآخِرَةِ إِلَّا مَتَاعٌ

Allah doth enlarge, or grant by (strict) measure, the sustenance (which He giveth) to whomso He pleaseth. (The wordly) rejoice in the life of this world: But the life of this world is but little comfort in the Hereafter.

I must remember that if I m grateful to Allah for the little discomfort that I m facing and turn to Him to remove that discomfort then Insha'Allah- the discomfort will be replaced with gratefulness.

Holy Quran 66:8

------------------

يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا تُوبُوا إِلَى اللَّهِ تَوْبَةً نَّصُوحًا عَسَىٰ رَبُّكُمْ أَن يُكَفِّرَ عَنكُمْ سَيِّئَاتِكُمْ وَيُدْخِلَكُمْ جَنَّاتٍ تَجْرِي مِن تَحْتِهَا الْأَنْهَارُ يَوْمَ لَا يُخْزِي اللَّهُ النَّبِيَّ وَالَّذِينَ آمَنُوا مَعَهُ ۖ نُورُهُمْ يَسْعَىٰ بَيْنَ أَيْدِيهِمْ وَبِأَيْمَانِهِمْ يَقُولُونَ رَبَّنَا أَتْمِمْ لَنَا نُورَنَا وَاغْفِرْ لَنَا ۖ إِنَّكَ عَلَىٰ كُلِّ شَيْءٍ قَدِيرٌ

O ye who believe! Turn to Allah with sincere repentance: In the hope that your Lord will remove from you your ills and admit you to Gardens beneath which Rivers flow,- the Day that Allah will not permit to be humiliated the Prophet and those who believe with him. Their Light will run forward before them and by their right hands, while they say, "Our Lord! Perfect our Light for us, and grant us Forgiveness: for Thou hast power over all things."

❤️ امين امين اَمِين يَا رَبَّ الْعَالَمِيْن  ❤️

🌸  جزاك اللهُ خيرًا 🌸

Holy Quran 2:152

------------------

فَاذْكُرُونِي أَذْكُرْكُمْ وَاشْكُرُوا لِي وَلَا تَكْفُرُونِ

Then do ye remember Me; I will remember you. Be grateful to Me, and reject not Faith.

Holy Quran 2:153

------------------

يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا اسْتَعِينُوا بِالصَّبْرِ وَالصَّلَاةِ ۚ إِنَّ اللَّهَ مَعَ الصَّابِرِينَ

O ye who believe! seek help with patient perseverance and prayer; for Allah is with those who patiently persevere.

Alhamdulillah - I am feeling better already ❤️😊

auditory-processing-disorder

Another learning disabilities that is discovered only recently, it's interesting how those who had it managed without being diagnosed and knowing it helps to somehow made them understand how they can maximise their potential.

She sounds very much like me when I was in school - unlike her I was never diagnosed and fell asleep instead. Asking too much questions was not an alternative and I had learned to sleep while staying awake and listening.😅

Until today I struggle to listen. It's not that I can't hear in fact I hear too well that even the person's breathing and intonation can be intoxicating and irritating. Thus I had to stop listening and had to cut them short.😖 Thus, I m so good at interrupting others and speak loudly so I can block those noises😩. Sorry!

If someone talks too much - it's like mosquitoes buzzing in my ears. Now I know - why I avoid crowds and schools whenever possible 😁

http://www.easyreadsystem.com/news/what-it-feels-like-auditory-processing-disorder/

Will I be different?

السَّلَامُ عَلَيْكُم Peace be upon all...
I m in my reflective mood again after days of lepaking and not wanting to do much around the house ... writing my thoughts looks like a better option than slogging at the never-ending household chores. The chores can wait but my reflective mood will be harder to catch when its gone. How I wish I will insha'Allah be more discipline in my daily chores ... I wonder if it will make any different if I had been brought up differently.

That thought was always lingering in my mind after I attended any of my children school's events and now as the year end comes, I pondered and compared my children's school life today to that of mine. I hope they have a better start in life. I wonder would I be different if I was given the opportunities that my children had?

Alhamdulillah, to begin with as parents, we are better informed than our parents were. When I was in school my parents decided to leave me alone and I had to decide for myself what I wanted to do with my life or whether I wanted to study or work. I had to start working part-time when I was 15 and every school holidays I will hold a full-time position at a factory near my home to help myself with my school's expenses. My eldest sis will give me some pocket money to help with transportation. So the rest I would have to deal with it myself. Yes - even if I wished to be absent from school - I could write my own letter and get my father to sign it - with no questions asked. :P

Alhamdulillah - I was not fond of loitering - if I cant stay home or go to work I will either, go for a run or go to the library. The books were my escape route - eventho I had to travel an hour plus by bus just to get there - its worth it. I will spend almost whole day there and went back straight home when it's near closing time or when it got too crowded. I was not a nerdy (my schoolmates can verify that) and don't look like a friend-less being. It is just that I LOVE being left alone. With 7 siblings at home - there was never a place at home that you could be alone. Being in school that was so far away from your neighbourhood also meant it was not easy for you to meet up with your close friends from school. Another reason was that meeting friends required expenses and I did not have much. The strange thing was I never felt I was alone. I was always with someone - the characters of the books that I read.  

Will I be different then if I had gone to a school near my home and my school friends were in my neighbourhood? Maybe ... maybe not but things happened for many reasons and the schools and experiences that I went through were what made me what I am today. No regrets ... except for my own flaws in not being able to pick up good manners, social skills and etiquette that had caused hurt feelings along the way. If any of you read this I apologise sincerely i had no intention of hurting anyone, it was just that I was sense-less at that point of time and at times even till now.

Due to my lack of social skills - I did not know what to hold back and how to say things with wisdom, basically I lacked social skills BIG TIME. As such I had hurt my friends, teachers, colleagues, students, family members and even my own children too many a time. Alhamdullilah when I realised I had made such mistake I would seek forgiveness from others as soon as possible. 

And I forgave and forget others with no qualms basically most of the time I did not realise what they did was meant to hurt me. So when they apologized - I thought nothing of them and forget about it. It's like - if you don't think you will do such things to others you will not think others will do it to you. I would usually accept things at face value as it is without assuming its double-standard, racist, biases and what not. Such attitude had helped me moved on even though I was obviously battered (usually pointed out by someone else - hahaha) I still could not see it till its over - but by that time I felt it was ok - I survived after all. It was not because of my "Never say die" attitude but it was more of "Ignorance is a bliss" attitude. :) 

Now as I am in my 40s...I become more sensitive and easily hurt - probably due to age and also my own expectations... so this phase of my life I hope Allah will give me enough wisdom to face the challenges that He had planned for me. I hope and I prayed insya'Allah I will pass it with flying colours. I am ever in gratitude to Allah for giving me the good health, family and children and friends that are comforting to my eyes and rezki that is more than enough for us. May Allah help me to move graciously through this phase of my life ... امين امين امين ياربالعاامي

بِسۡمِ ٱللهِ ٱلرَّحۡمَـٰنِ ٱلرَّحِيمِ  

ٱلۡحَمۡدُ لِلَّهِ رَبِّ ٱلۡعَـٰلَمِينَ 

قَالَ يَـٰنُوحُ إِنَّهُ ۥ لَيۡسَ مِنۡ أَهۡلِكَ‌ۖ إِنَّهُ ۥ عَمَلٌ غَيۡرُ صَـٰلِحٍ۬‌ۖ فَلَا تَسۡـَٔلۡنِ مَا لَيۡسَ لَكَ بِهِۦ عِلۡمٌ‌ۖ إِنِّىٓ أَعِظُكَ أَن تَكُونَ مِنَ ٱلۡجَـٰهِلِينَ

He said: My Lord! Lo! in Thee do I seek refuge (from the sin) that I should ask of Thee that whereof I have no knowledge. Unless Thou forgive me and have mercy on me I shall be among the lost.

Hud:47

Time to move :)

Peace be to all...

Alhamdulillah - congrats to all who had successfully passed the PSLE. For those who did not do so well - insya'Allah u r in for a greater cause than just doing well in PSLE.

I feel compel in sharing about what I had been through last year when MOE decided not to reveal the highest score so that parents will choose schools according to their child's ability and not relying on aggregate score. Good intention but it had somewhat brought the kind of disarray to most parents especially me because I felt that I can somehow estimate which school my child can qualify to by using the highest aggregate score.

Last year, eventhough my son's results looked impressive in terms of the grades given, his aggregate score was below the cut-off points of the school of his choice. However, when I learnt the highest score for 2013 was 275 (it was not publicly revealed), I knew he had the chance of getting into the school he wanted. So we decided to just apply and arrange the schools he had chosen in order of aggregate score from highest to lowest. He will eventually get into school that fit his aggregate score, insya'Allah.

We hoped and prayed that he will get what he aimed for. Apart from being "tawakal" - the logic was due to the fact that in 2013 the cut-off indicated for a certain school was 269 and the highest aggregate score that it was based on (in 2012) was 285. If in 2013 the highest aggregate score was 275 then a child with 259 probably have a chance of getting into that school. 

As many of u might have known MOE has been playing down the aggregate score bcos they are probably going to get rid of it in a few years time and just use the Grades system and use a system that is the like O Level or whatever. So if your child's aggregate score is a few points less than the cut-off points just arrange all the schools that he/she wants in order of last's year aggregate cut-off points. 

No harm trying- because the computer will select accordingly to your child's aggregate score anyway.Only then u will know if he/she qualify or not. If they did not get their first choice the other school will just be as good because these are among the schools they like. Please be reminded it is not a matter of life and death neither is it the end of the world - make sure the other schools they choose are the ones they don't mind going to.

Last year results was the 1st time MOE did not indicate the highest aggregate score and left most parents at lost as to which school that their children can go to.When my girls took their PSLE it was clear cut, I can clearly estimate what schools that was out of their reach. But we still chose the schools that they wanted even if it was a few points above their aggregate score. The results:

i.  One of them got her 2nd choice even though her aggregate score was 2 points below the cut-off points for that school.

ii. Two of them got their 1st choice. One of them with aggregate score that was about 4 points below the cut-off points.

iii. And the other one got her 3rd choice and she was one of the top PSLE scorers who went to that school.

My point is not to dwell on how well we make the choice in choosing a secondary school but just a reminder for us not to be so hung up on the aggregate score but chose schools (there are 6 choices) according to what your child wants even if their cut-off points is a few points higher than your child's aggregate score. 

WARNING:Make sure not all the schools have higher cut-off points than your child's aggregate score because he/she will end up not getting any of the 6 schools chosen.

The IMPORTANT part is to let your child experience the process with peace (hmmm... even though I was not good at that. ;-/ Haha but I tried). Should he/she not get the school that he/she is longing for - help and allow them to deal with the disappointment and another IMPORTANT thing is to remind them to always be in GRATITUDE for there are others who can't even go to school. What is important is all of you have to move on to the the next phase ...

May Allah Ease our Jouneys :)

Being in gratitude for the children we have

Alhamdulillah...All Praises be to Allah, at this age meeting old friends physically (not via FB) is a luxury and am thankful and grateful to Allah for giving me the opportunity to meet them.

We shared old memories and the life we had left behind as well as updates about our family and friends. We doa for the sick and those facing challenges. Of all the things we shared the ones we loved most is sharing about our own children. In many of the conversations we had many a time I will have to remind myself about always be in gratitude of the children I have. Accepting them as what they are regardless of the pressure others put onto us.

There were many times I had to stop myself from telling my dear friends - please don't push your children into doing things that you want but let them do things that they want. Help them to find their passion and not push a certain "passion" that you want unto them. I wish I have the courage but alas what I can do is only to tell them to be thankful and accept their children as what they are. They may not meet your expectations but they are Allah's unique creations. They are perfect because they meet all of His expectations to be human. They are perfect in their own ways.

Some of the complains or grievances I heard are;
My child is failing in his standard Maths and the teacher told me to switch to foundation Maths. I feel that he will miss learning things that he should be at his age if I change his class to foundation Maths.

My humble opinion:
I will rather have my son feel jubilant and excited about scoring well for his foundation Maths rather than keep feeling disappointed over his failing marks. Will he miss learning things that he should - he certainly will if he stays taking standard maths because he will not understand and will be behind in his capacity to grasp the concepts that he has yet to understand. He will not if he is in foundation maths because he will be covering concepts that is up to his ability on top of it he will feel that he is in control and able to solve the problems given within his capacity - that feeling will definitely boost his confidence and spur him to even score better. Being able to score well will be an intrinsic motivation and he will be willing to learn more to be able to solve more maths problems.

I had seen my students who had switched from Standard Maths to Foundation Maths dancing and feeling euphoria for being able to score in their Maths paper. They told me they had never passed their Maths before - with that score, it boost their confident and they began to challenge themselves to do even better. Alhamdulillah the adrenaline infected their friends and they challenged and helped each other to score in their papers. All of them passed their Maths and managed to go to secondary school. It's ok if they end up in Normal stream after all they are normal human beings.

Of course not all parents are pushing their children beyond their means there are also many parents who encourage their children to take the path less traveled:

I know of a parent who told her daughter to continue to polytechnic instead of junior college even tho her daughter can get into a good college. Her reason being her child will not be able t cope with the academic pressure in college. Her daughter excel in polytechnic and got into Singapore top University, while some of her friends failed their A Level and enter a polytechnic when she entered university. However, its never to late for her friends to make the switch - glad they still persevere to pursue their studies.

Another good example is a mother who appeal for her daughter to enter into a normal stream of a good neighbourhood sec sch because her daughter's PSLE score is too low for an express stream of that school and too high for the normal stream (because she qualifies for the Express stream). Her daughter was able to reap the benefits and develop into confident youth and again choose to go to ITE to get the course she desired instead of taking a polytechnic course that she has no interest in. She knows with the NITEC cert she can later join the polytechnic and get into the course that she is passionate about.

A mother of 2 boys insisted that both her sons who qualify to enter polytechnic go for ITE first before applying to polytechnic so that they will have a strong foundation before pursuing polytechnic diploma. Her sons did well and find their polytechnic education a breeze with the foundation that they had gained from ITE.

I always remind myself that all the intellectual and wisdom that we have does not belong to us. Allah gives us those faculty and He may take it away any time He wish. The best that we can do is be in gratitude, be thankful for what He has given us. Sincerely accept it as the way it is - (redha) My questions to myself are:
Why do I need to put pressure into my children's learning?
Why do I have to pressure myself to succumb to the "norm" when it is not normal?
Why should I put expectations on my children when I know whatever is meant for them has been written for them by Allah?
So does that mean I don't have expectations? - Does that mean I care less about their education?
On contrary, they do have standards to meet but they set it according to their means. I support them with limitations and fundamentals that they have to abide by. They need guidance and that's what they will get - the choice is theirs and if they want results they know they have to work for it. If they had put in their effort and the result is not what they wished for they knew that -there r blessings in it. But if the results is due to their lack of effort - they will face the consequences of their actions and work on it if they wish it to change.

Insya'Allah there are many better ways and techniques that works well for others sometimes I wish I am able to instill in my children and maybe they will be better? Just a wishful thinking - Each parent and child are made to be together, its like part of puzzle - the best way is to work with your child and see which works best - before we can do that as parents we need to know the strength and weakness of our child. From there we can work towards developing our child's potential to the max.

May Allah provide us all with the right wisdom, sense and all other faculties for us to be able to nurture our children to be the best they can be... Amin Ya Rabbal Alamin

When to let go...

Written just after I left my last appointment on 7 August (last day of Ramadan)

Peace be to all... Alhamdulillah (all praises be to Allah), Allah has provided me with some time for me to continue this write-up for me to gain peace of mind after letting the loads off my shoulder.

Now its time for me to recuperate from an exhaustive full-time job. Though the job was manageable (when I am allowed to plan for it properly) the people management was beyond my capacity. I am thankful to Allah for guiding me and helping me to control my temper and my actions though I had some some bad days. Please forgive me and provide me the strength to improve, insha'Allah.

Knowing when to let go peacefully was what I had learnt, I had never taken a job or responsibility due to its monetary reward and will leave when I felt I was no longer capable of producing a good job (according to my standard). No regrets whatsoever - there were many learning points and reflective moments that I had encountered that made me forever in gratitude to Allah for putting me where I was.

It humbled me, when my incapability of producing the desired result had made me realised that I am not the "super" woman that I thought I was. Hahaha - my expectations of myself was too high, my ability of being an independent worker was shaken, my solitary work style was disturbed, my physical and mental health was challenged and my social skills was tested. After months of struggling, I felt abused and battered but am thankful for my faith, self-confident, self-esteem and moral values are still intact. :)

The decision to leave was made a few months after I started - you can call it self-prophecy and law of attractions - whatever! I did make an attempt to stay and try my best to make it bearable. However, knowing the fact that my life does not depend on it and my skills will be better utilised elsewhere help me make that decision quickly. I stayed longer than I had planned due to the fact that I did not want to demotivate my fellow team members. Just like me they were all over-worked and over-loaded because of poor-planning and last minute work-load. As soon as I saw some space that allow me to leave without adding their work-load I made the final call.

From then on ... my motivation was lifted up. I was able to put my work in order. Though another bulk of last minute work was given ... I managed to finish up what I needed to do. I had to slog until the very last minute before I stepped out of my office. Alhamdulillah - Leaving was my pleasure, even though I did not find another full-time position - I am not the least perturbed because I knew I needed some time to recuperate, lift my spirit up again, aid my wounded mental and physical health and be surrounded by lots of positive energies before I attempting another task.

While waiting for that suitable call, I am back to writing and doing part-time assignments. Thank you Allah for providing me with abundance opportunity to continue learning and discovering my good self through others. I know all that happened was written and I am just doing what I am capable of (it may not be as peaceful as others but it is my own way, my own time). All I hope is that I will always look up to You as my Guide - and seek Your Help to always be in gratitude for what You have in store for me...insha'Allah

سُوۡرَةُ الفَتْح
بِسۡمِ ٱللهِ ٱلرَّحۡمَـٰنِ ٱلرَّحِيمِ

إِنَّا فَتَحۡنَا لَكَ فَتۡحً۬ا مُّبِينً۬ا (١) لِّيَغۡفِرَ لَكَ ٱللَّهُ مَا تَقَدَّمَ مِن ذَنۢبِكَ وَمَا تَأَخَّرَ وَيُتِمَّ نِعۡمَتَهُ ۥ عَلَيۡكَ وَيَہۡدِيَكَ صِرَٲطً۬ا مُّسۡتَقِيمً۬ا (٢) وَيَنصُرَكَ ٱللَّهُ نَصۡرًا عَزِيزًا (٣) هُوَ ٱلَّذِىٓ أَنزَلَ ٱلسَّكِينَةَ فِى قُلُوبِ ٱلۡمُؤۡمِنِينَ لِيَزۡدَادُوٓاْ إِيمَـٰنً۬ا مَّعَ إِيمَـٰنِہِمۡ‌ۗ وَلِلَّهِ جُنُودُ ٱلسَّمَـٰوَٲتِ وَٱلۡأَرۡضِ‌ۚ وَكَانَ ٱللَّهُ عَلِيمًا حَكِيمً۬ا (٤)Surah Al-Fath
In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful

Lo! We have given thee (O Muhammad) a signal victory, (1) That Allah may forgive thee of thy sin that which is past and that which is to come, and may perfect His favour unto thee, and may guide thee on a right path, (2) And that Allah may help thee with strong help - (3) He it is Who sent down peace of reassurance into the hearts of the believers that they might add faith unto their faith. Allah's are the hosts of the heavens and the earth, and Allah is ever Knower, Wise - (4) 

Why r we rushing?

Peace b to all ... As I was walking hurriedly towards the carpark today on my way to pick up my girls - I was wondering  - why do I have to hurry?

The last minute meeting with my supervisor was the excused - then I was further challenged by a parking fine at my windshield because I parked at the season parking lot though I paid for my parking,even though my car does not affect any of the residents cos there were plenty parking lots. Arggg... but when I parked this morning there was only 1 lot empty bcos the residents were still at home getting ready for work - another excuse to get angry?

Well I took it and just drove off - my girls were waiting. The traffic was crazy and I asked myself again - why am I in a hurry?

I kept thinking - "Peace was all I needed... time and what is happening are all under Allah's control. So why am I in a hurry?" The situation will not change but I can change in my acceptance of the situation. Breath and relax - I don't need to be in a hurry.

سُوۡرَةُ العَصر
بِسۡمِ ٱللهِ ٱلرَّحۡمَـٰنِ ٱلرَّحِيمِ

وَٱلۡعَصۡرِ (١) إِنَّ ٱلۡإِنسَـٰنَ لَفِى خُسۡرٍ (٢) إِلَّا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُواْ وَعَمِلُواْ ٱلصَّـٰلِحَـٰتِ وَتَوَاصَوۡاْ بِٱلۡحَقِّ وَتَوَاصَوۡاْ بِٱلصَّبۡرِ (٣)

Surah Al-Asr

In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful

By the declining day, (1) Lo! man is a state of loss, (2) Save those who believe and do good works, and exhort one another to truth and exhort one another to endurance. (3)

What I need to do is to remain calm and at peace with my self - patience and then I will not be in a state of Loss. Insha'Allah. Amiin...

It is because of Allah

Peace b to all .... oIf there is anything I want to put a cause of how or why it happens it is because of Allah. Whether we like it or not it is due to Allah's Mercy that things happened as they did.
The same goes when it comes to our children and the life we lead to. At times I felt that many of us are arrogant and wishful for thinking that we made it happen when it turned out to be good and and there must b something wrong somewhere when the end results is not as planned or what we wish for.
I have seen many cases, even for myself that sometimes I get disappointed, dissatisfied, unhappy with certain outcome and started to look for something to blame. Then after reflecting and trying to gather the learning points - at the end of the day, I will have a better sense of acceptance if I had put it as - Allah had planned for it to happened this way. My only duty is to go thru the process with an open heart and redha.In such a situation I would feel more at peace and less dissatisfied or disappointed :)

Auditory deficiency?

Alhamdulillah...its raining and the cool day reminded me of the cold breeze up Mount Kinabalu (see pic) was there last June - yes I missed the mountains and I missed having the freedom of not having to go to work in the morning. But still I m always in gratitude to Allah for allowing me to be useful - to have something to do and get paid for it even tho I feel that I m not doing much except that I am rushing every time I m at office to accomplish 1 task after another.

Every time I m overwhelmed, I told myself that I should be in gratitude for being able to contribute to the community and help many in their learning journey...yes inshaa-Allah hope I will continue to be able to contribute and help others in my line of work.

Everyday...I pick up some tips from my colleagues and learn to be patient, to stay calm and the same time not to take things for granted ...I have to listen and stay quiet until others are done talking - that is one of the most difficult thing for me to do - but I get many chances to re-learn and try again to listen. Because there are so many ppl who wants to talk and all I need is to stay quiet and listen.

Being auditory deficit is a challenge - not that I can't hear well - I just am not good at listening because I can hear lots of things. People talking is like mosquitoes buzzing in my ears - so now I am trying to find ways to make those voices sound like music to my ears. So I will be able to listen well instead of hearing noises.

It's a challenge - but what is life without challenges - u will not grow if you are unable to overcome challenges. Growth will make you feel alive and knowing there is something for you to attain and a goal for you to achieve - yes, it is a simple and minute goal and I m ever in gratitude to Allah for giving me such a simple challenge. For I m weak and small and I m not sure I can handle more than that. I m worried I might not even be able to carry out this challenge and clear those noises into something positive and productive.

Oh Allah... I can only turn to You for help - because You give me this faculty - let me make good use of it, inshaa-Allah. Ameen...

بِسۡمِ ٱللهِ ٱلرَّحۡمَـٰنِ ٱلرَّحِيمِ

وَقَالُواْ لَوۡ كُنَّا نَسۡمَعُ أَوۡ نَعۡقِلُ مَا كُنَّا فِىٓ أَصۡحَـٰبِ ٱلسَّعِيرِ (١٠)

They will further say: "Had we but listened or used our intelligence we should not (now) be among the Companions of the Blazing Fire!" (Surah Al-Mulk:10)

Being healthy is a choice...

Peace be upon all,

Whenever I fell sick, I will try my very best to be positive and to keep thinking of all the good things that I should always be in gratitude for;

• being able to breath (even with slight difficulty... or else I will not be able to appreciate the ease of breathing without mucus stuck in my nose & throat or having a congested chest.
• food to eat even tho I might not feel like eating (which is a double plus - so that I will not overeat and only eat to provide me the energy to do my daily chores)
• walk even if it is slower than usual - and appreciating the strength that Allah gives me whenever I m healthier
• and many, many more...

sometimes, many times actually I wanted to advice my frens about living a healthier lifestyle but am afraid to intrude cos they had chosen the lifestyles that they are proud of; the ones that allow them to show what they can eat and not be afraid of the harm they do to their health...

So I stop myself from doing it bcos I had chosen the path I wanted too and not what others wanted me to do. And that is trying to live a healthier life. I will be lying if I said I never strayed. The very reason why I am sick now is because I had strayed from looking after my health.

I don't blame others but I know - I had not been exercising and looking after my food intake for the last 2 weeks. As a result, my immunity system went down and I got easily infected with the cough and cold that my colleague was having.

As usual there is a blessing in disguise - I lost the weigh I gain from eating junks the past 2 weeks and have time to plan for my next round of fitness routine. I also get to reflect the price and consequences I have to pay for neglecting my health.

Alhamdulillah - I m so glad I can reflect on it and continue pursuing my journey to lead a healthy lifestyle. In-shaa-Allah I hope all of us will - there is no harm enjoying the goodness of the food that Allah has showered on us - but do remember to come back to reality and observe Rasulullah s.a.w. sunnah to be moderate and do take care of our health so that we can continue be a service to others for the sake of Allah, in-shaa-Allah. 

Our Gifts From Allah

Written on: 13 July 2011

In less than 2 weeks my eldest daughter will be 17. Alhamdulillah, we had never thought she will do so very well at this stage of her life. Her achievements was way beyond our expectation. She is our biologist and chemist who can rattle of and explain in details the things that she had learnt or the experiment that she had done. its reactions and what not. One of the things she loves to do is to create her own words...and so her siblings suggested that she writes her own dictionary. And they were thinking of all the words that she had created and they are still using since she was 10 or 8. It was fun listening to them - after all she was able to talk in sentences before she was one year old which I tot was normal.

.

And so when one of my children was selected to attend the gifted education program years back - I was thinking it was no big deal because I felt all my children were gifted in their own ways . And still it is no big deal to us - what we worry most is what she will be when she grows up her choice of career and her attitude towards life and the hereafter. She was never treated differently from her siblings and to say that she is different - definitely all my children are unique in their own way.

But there is one advantage of having her around - she is our human calculator. Whenever we are lazy to calculate stuff we will just give her the numbers and she will do it faster than the calculator. she just recently introduced to her siblings a game she played whenever she is in a bus - look at the number plate of the cars and make a number sentence to turn them to 13. When asked why 13 - she said its a prime number so can only be divisible by it self - she has yet to find a solution for one of the set of numbers and told them to try and solve it. They roll their eyes and ignored her.

.

The other 2 are still finding their niche, Alia is very good in Art and anything to do with her hands, insya'Allah hope she'll be able to explore it when she goes to secondary school. At the moment her main target is to get PSLE over with. Insya'Allah she is a courages little girl (tho she is not little now) and will be able to bloom and make others happy through her sensitive nature.

.

Amsyar is still playful by nature even tho we try to limit it  ... he still spends more time playing games than pouring over books - but no qualms he is doing excellent in school and has aspirations that he is not able to put in words yet or we are probably too impatient to wait for him to arrange the rush of words and action that came to his head all at once. Insya'Allah he too will be able to find his niche and please Allah with whatever he chooses.

.

Insya'Allah we are not sure of the future but we are forever in gratitude to Allah for all the belessings he has showered upon us. Alhamdulillah we are and forever will be under His watchful eyes and insya'Allah will continue to be filled with His blessings always...Ameen

Huh! I m working?

Peace be to all ... understatement of the year... I guess everyone is working full time one way or the other. The moment u wake up you have to "work" the difference is u need not get out and go to a specific place every weekday as a routine. Or you can choose what you want to do and set your own datelines and not get stressed out by a supervisor or anyone above you. But you'll still get stressed out by others - haiz... what is life without stress :) Hmmm... that does not make any difference to me ... hahaha the only difference is I don't have to do my work at a specific place and show my face there or force myself sitting in a corner to complete my task and get paid on a regular basis.

I m never someone who can get used to a routine for long...the last time i gotten used or try to get used to a routine ... I almost turned bonkers, it must have been hard for my system ... and so I had decided to take a break and became very undisciplined and random in what I m doing. It's been more than a year now and I m starting to contemplate as to whether i should go back and jump into the bandwagon again??? Be discipline and consistent in my so that I will be more productive and able to contribute more to the society and blah, blah and blah...

So now I have to go tru another round of contemplation to assess the pros and cons of going back to "work" ... I got a feeling it will take quiet some time bcos I have some projects that i m doing that may stretch all the way to next year...haha... let be discipline and get those projects completed before i surrendering myself to a routine schedule :)

I supposed when the time is right Allah will provide for me the urge and the need to be employed (regardless as an independent or an employee) - what is important is I will be doing it because Allah will be pleased with me, insyaallah.

Shoo! Keep away arrogance!

سُوۡرَةُ بنیٓ اسرآئیل / الإسرَاء

وَلَا تَمۡشِ فِى ٱلۡأَرۡضِ مَرَحًا‌ۖ إِنَّكَ لَن تَخۡرِقَ ٱلۡأَرۡضَ وَلَن تَبۡلُغَ ٱلۡجِبَالَ طُولاً۬ (٣٧)

Al-Isra And walk not on the earth with conceit and arrogance. Verily, you can neither rend nor penetrate the earth, nor can you attain a stature like the mountains in height. (37)

i was taught and conditioned by my respected teachers and elders that there is nothing so great about me other that i am one of Allah's creations. just like a spec of dust in the Universe - i must however remain thankful and in constant gratitude for being that spec of dust.

hehe somehow it reminds me of Dr Suess story of "Horton hears a who" even tho u r a spec of dust. U still belong to a universe of your own and u deserve all the respect bcos u r still created for a purpose.

سُوۡرَةُ المؤمنون

أَفَحَسِبۡتُمۡ أَنَّمَا خَلَقۡنَـٰكُمۡ عَبَثً۬ا وَأَنَّكُمۡ إِلَيۡنَا لَا تُرۡجَعُونَ (١١٥)

Al-Mumenoon

"Did you think that We had created you in play (without any purpose), and that you would not be brought back to Us?" (115)

And so I must always remind myself not to be arrogant for what ever you have done well or otherwise it is because The Creator allows it to happen. Nobody can stop it from happening. So when u see someone doing stupid stuff - imagine yourself doing it too, this will help you from being judgemental towards that person.

The same goes when u see someone successful and you wish for the same, imagine yourself being one and work towards that purpose, insyaallah you will achieve it too.

I once laughed or commented on how could a person made such a stupid mistake and unknowingly I had made the same mistake at another time. When I realised it was too late to turn back. It was a painful yet very valuable lesson which taught me never to laughed at others because it could happen to me too. 

It also made me realised that at that point of time if Allah had wanted me not to make those mistakes earlier He would have allowed it but it was meant for me to make those mistakes so that I will learnt from it and become stronger in faith, be humble and never be arrogant. Insyaallah, Allah will keep me away from making the same mistakes again.

Everything that happened is already written, the difference is how we will handle the consequences. If we redha and accepted it as it is, we will be able to move on - if we don't than we r being too arrogant to accept what Allah had given us.

May all of us see the path that is meant for us clearly and move towards it calmly with Allah's blessings, insyaAllah. Amin